We don’t want to be sad. I mean, you can’t really blame us. Why would we want to be sad? Being sad, anxious or upset means being uncomfortable. We fight to avoid discomfort and to find that place where we feel comfortable. We want everything to be just so: nothing out of place, nothing left unaccounted for. We make lists and check them off. We fulfill obligations and settle into a routine that is safe. We pursue happiness. After all, is that not the ultimate goal?
As millennials, we can be obsessed with ourselves. This sounds bad, but I don’t necessarily mean it in a bad way. We focus on developing ourselves, growing and changing and eventually settling exactly where we want to be — physically, mentally and philosophically. We are an idealistic bunch, and that is OK. However, we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I think the worst part is that in the effort of trying to become happy, we are standing in our own way.
I don’t know if anyone remembers this, but a few years ago, there was a joke that went around everyone referred to as “the Game.” And the only way to lose “the Game” was to think about the game. So, the only way to win was to not think about it. Therefore, if you were winning, you didn’t know you were winning. You only knew you were winning after you’d already lost. Clearly, this was a painful and kind of stupid phenomenon, but as time has gone on, I’ve realized a lot of things in life are like this. You only really know and appreciate something when it’s already gone and thinking hard about something can make it go away.
I think happiness is like this in a way. We can be happy, but when someone stares you in the face and says, “Are you happy?” it forces us to call this happiness into question. Am I happy? What is happy, really? How do I really know if I’m actually happy? You’d think you’d know, right? It shouldn’t be this difficult. But when you think too hard about anything, you start to question yourself, similar to if you see a word written over and over, and you start to question if that is how it’s actually spelled.
The more I’ve sat and thought about whether I am happy, the more I’ve realized that true, undeniable happiness is harder and harder to come by. I think our biggest problem is that we often unintentionally confuse happiness with joy. If we do this, we set impossible standards for ourselves. If you have ever read a column of mine, first of all, thank you. Secondly, you may recall I have drawn comparisons to concepts, such as passion to a fire or a warm glow. The same can be said for love and for happiness. Sometimes, happiness is on fire. It is powerful and undeniable and consumes us. Other times, it is a glow. It is there, but it is not all-consuming. If asked whether it is there or not, you would say it is, but it is not all you can think about. I think we search for the fire and think we are settling with the glow. They’re not the same, but I think joy feels so amazing that we want it all the time. However, like anything truly wonderful and mind-blowing, if we have it all the time, it’s not as good.
So, search for happiness. Keep pursuing it because all of us have the potential to achieve it. But don’t be discouraged if your happiness feels more like a calm state of contentment than a knock-you-off-your-feet joy. Contentment lasts longer and is often more fulfilling, and that is, after all, the ultimate goal.
Taylor Cavaliere is a UF journalism and psychology junior. Her column appears on Mondays.
