It’s like clockwork. Every year around this time, the pumpkin spice lattes come out, Hallmark movies start to play on television and the temperature in this majestic city drops into the high-sixties. And just as I start to put on my light jacket to protect me from the less-than-sweltering temperatures, my phone starts vibrating uncontrollably. I roll my eyes as I see text after text from guy after guy professing their love for me. They all want to be exclusive. Don’t get me wrong — it’s flattering. But more so, it’s exhausting.
I hate to break it to all of you lovely gents, but this year, I am not participating in cuffing season. Allow me to explain: During the months deemed “winter,” it’s a common phenomenon for single people to start feeling the desire to be “cuffed” to a significant other, and we tend to see a gap in our lives where a relationship could possibly arise. We realize that dressing up for Halloween, driving home for Thanksgiving or going ice skating might be just a little better with a special someone by our side.
But not me. No, sir.
I’m flattered that so many of you have sent flowers to my apartment and paid my cover at Midtown. Really, it’s so kind. I’d be more than happy to be friends with each and every one of you, but I’m just not looking for a boyfriend this winter. Most girls would like nothing more than a person to kiss after Gator touchdowns or to post photos in Christmas sweaters with their significant other. Well, listen here. I’m not like most girls, okay?
I get it. I’m a catch. I would probably want to date me, too. My La Croix addiction is edgy and my ability to watch four to six straight episodes of Criminal Minds in one sitting is admirable. I’ve also recently started understanding football, and I’ve been called beautiful by not one but two of my grandmothers. “Get a girl who can do both,” they say. Sorry fellas, that girl just isn’t me.
Don’t blame yourselves, boys. It’s not you, it’s me and my incredibly demanding schedule. This cuffing season, I simply don’t have time for a serious relationship. Between writing this column, taking 12 credits of grueling journalism electives and going to hip-hop fitness at the gym, it just isn’t feasible. I wouldn’t have time for cute dates downtown or shopping for your Hanukkah present, even if I wanted to do those things.
More than that, I’m forgoing cuffing season because I find the winter months the absolute best time to be alone. Who needs a man to cuddle up to when you have your laptop battery to keep you warm? I can’t be distracted while I Facebook stalk my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend and somehow her high school soccer coach. Winter is red wine season, and I don’t need someone hogging the bottle. I don’t need anyone judging me when I cry at the sad part of “Elf,” either.
Maybe next cuffing season, I’ll give the relationship thing a whirl. But for now, guys, just let me live.
For the other singles still reading, I invite you to join me on my faithful boycott. Let’s stop feeling sorry for ourselves (not that we do that or anything,) and let’s start flipping the script. Now is the time to make the most of every fleeting day that we get to say we’re single college students. I have a feeling there will be plenty of cuffed seasons to come, so let’s enjoy this one alone.
Carly Breit is a UF journalism senior. Her column appears on Wednesdays.
