Remember those nights in your dorm common area? All of the usual suspects from the guys’ side and the girls’ side crept out of their crowded rooms, walked down the hall and swiped their fobs. Someone ordered pizza that everyone ate. Something someone wanted to watch was playing softly on the TV. Everyone somehow fit on one couch and five chairs.
I’m not too cool to admit it now: I was just happy that many people knew my name and seemed relatively interested in hanging out with me. I saw flecks of the infamous “friend group” I was told I would have in college. The way I had always pictured it; that group would include about 15 or so people that would ride out to Midtown together (provided cops weren’t out that night) and have the best four years of our lives.
Now, I’m (somehow) a senior, and I have about five good friends. My freshman year common-area-queen self would probably be utterly disappointed, but I’m not. That’s because I’ve learned that there’s a difference between a friend who’s there for convenience and a friend who’s actually there for you.
As we get older and we start to become the people we’re going to be, the space in our lives for strictly convenient friendships cave in. There’s less time for deciding what to wear and what picture to post, and more time for contemplating what to do after graduation and why you don’t feel like you’re good enough. A convenience friend will only be around for the photo and the Fat’s line. A quality friend will be around for those things, too — but unlike convenience friends, they won’t stop there.
They will be a sounding board for your long-winded plan about how you’re going to get your dream job. They’ll listen — and I mean really listen — to you vent about the dumb decisions you made last night and then help you find a way to move past them. They’ll call you out for things you did that just weren’t you because they love you. They’ll push you out of your comfort zone when they know you need it, and they won’t accept when you underestimate how far you can go.
They’ll drop everything when you need them. Even when it’s not convenient.
Our school is a breeding ground for convenience friendships: we all work out at the same gyms, we study in the same libraries and drink at the same bars. We live within miles of each other. But when we pop the Gainesville bubble and move who-knows-where, it just won’t be that easy to spend time with everyone in that 20-person group chat.
You don’t have to kick the convenience friends out of your life — and you shouldn’t. There’s a rightful place in your emotional planner for people who are easy to meet up with, share gossip with and grab lunch with. They might pick you up on their way to class, or text you to see what you’re doing that night or do a number of things that are thoughtful but don’t require much effort. Nothing’s wrong with that, as long as you don’t confuse them with quality friends. Don’t let yourself be disappointed if they don’t pull through when you need them. If you do find yourself lucky enough to have a few quality friends, during college or beyond, show them how much you appreciate them.
If you want to have this type of person in your life, then be this type of person. Just like with any relationship, you get what you give. So drop everything. Drive over. Especially when it’s inconvenient.
Carly Breit is a UF journalism senior. Her column appears on Wednesdays.
