President of UF Kent Fuchs made an unbelievable announcement over the weekend.
In a video released Saturday, Fuchs said he signed an executive order to “remove all association with alligators” from UF.
No more saying "Go Gators," no more statues of the reptiles on campus, none of it.
Gators legend Steve Spurrier even responded to defend the nickname.
“What does he want to change our mascot name to, like, the rabbits? The mouses?” Spurrier asked in his video.
Despite falling on April Fool’s Day, the false controversy got a few fired up on Twitter.
“Over my dead body,” one fan wrote, and “Who tf do you think you are...” another tweeted.
But consider this: UF has been calling its teams the Gators since around 1908 to 1912, depending on who you ask. And if you ask me, >100 years is too long. It’s time to switch it up. So here are three appropriate and unique team names that the University of Florida can choose from and adopt. (You’re welcome, Fuchs.)
1) The Spacemen
Not only does this nickname lend itself to an awesome mascot, but it’s appropriate for Florida. Gainesville is just a few hours from the Kennedy Space Center outside of Cape Canaveral. And UF has graduated multiple astronauts. Even Bill Nelson, a U.S. senator and UF alum, went to space in the 1980s. It emphasizes UF’s academics, so Fuchs would like it. Although we may have to rename the Swamp as the Moon, but that would make it even cooler when an astronaut mascot does a low-gravity gallop from a spacecraft and plants an orange and blue flag on the 50-yard line.
2) The Skunk Apes
If you’re too attached to calling the stadium the Swamp, here’s an alternative.
I know you’ve never heard of a Skunk Ape and are 90 percent sure that I made it up. But the Skunk Ape is essentially swamp equivalent of Bigfoot and the yeti. Also known as the swampsquatch, myakka ape and the swamp cabbage man, the Skunk Ape is a human-ape hybrid about 7 feet tall that smells worse than the Bat Houses on campus. The Skunk Ape has become more of a B-List mythical creature since no one’s lied about seeing it in a while. But that just means UF wouldn’t have to fight with anybody over the name, since, strangely, no one currently wants it.
3) The Skeeters
Mosquitos are the second thing you notice about Florida after you get out of your car and say, “Oh sh-t I have a sunburn.”
Mosquitos are the perfect UF mascot: They’re disease-ridden like campus, and they’re always after your blood, like those red and blue busses everywhere. They’re the third-most common animals on campus behind alligators and frat guys.
Also, and this part's important, they suck.
Matt Brannon is the assistant sports editor. His columns appear on Mondays. Follow him on Twitter @MattB_727 and contact him at mbrannon@alligator.org for skunk ape sightings.
UF President Kent Fuchs leads a crowd of more than 90,000 people in a cheer as honorary Mr. Two Bits before the Florida State University game on Nov. 28, 2015, in Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. “It was incredible,” he said afterwards, about leading the cheer.
