Darts & Laurels - February 3, 2017

It’s hour eight in Library West. (Or is it hour nine? You cannot recall.) Your vision is hazy. You’re on your third cold-brew of the night, although by now it’s earlier morning. Your blue Study Edge notes are littered around, and the student from across the table from you groans and plops his head down on his textbook. He is lost. There is no recovery. You know you are next. Frantically, you turn away from your notes, trying to find anything that’s not Physics 2, and your eyes come across this week’s…

Darts & Laurels

First of all, let’s talk about the literal best thing that’s happened in the pop culture world this year — that’s right, dear reader: Singer Beyonce is pregnant with twins. The announcement was made Wednesday, at first with an ethereal Instagram post and then with a whole photo shoot of goddess-like photos. Seriously, it’s some Renaissance-level artwork. We bestow this laurel to Queen Bey for a spotlight of good news amid the chaos and for allowing us a glimpse of her otherworldliness.

In other news, an iconic part of early-2000s childhood, the online, kid-friendly multiplayer game “Club Penguin” will be shutting down March 29 and will be replaced with “Club Penguin Island.” What started as a gateway for most of our internet addictions turned into a long-running joke and source for memes, and it is now coming to an end. It seems that all good things must come to an end. In fact, an iceberg in the online universe that players spent over a decade trying to tip finally took the plunge. So an honorary laurel to the sunset hours of “Club Penguin.” May it rest in peace.

On that note, because we’re salty, a dart to Disney, who killed “Club Penguin” and, with the soon-to-be-released “Beauty and the Beast,” released yet another remake. Yes, we get it. Remakes sell. But Emma Watson’s just a little out of place in the “Beauty and the Beast” landscape. You’re going to have to do a lot more than impressive CGI furniture and backgrounds to shake the Hermione Granger out of this Belle. We want to like this retelling of the tale “as old as time,” but we’re hesitant. The other Disney remakes, which have been of older films, have definitely benefited from the updated technology and more in-depth storytelling, but “Beauty and the Beast” was so iconic, loved and fully fleshed-out already; a remake seems unnecessary. It was, after all, the first animated film nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. Why try to fix what no one asked you to?

The first round of midterms is approaching quickly, and as the libraries become more cluttered, we have one little request. Dear Wi-Fi gods and masters of the internet, for the love of all that is sacred, please fix the Marston Science Library Wi-Fi. Nowhere on campus is the bandwidth perfect, but it seems Marston (ironically right next to the Computer Science and Engineering building) suffers the most. A pity that is, because with its long rows of tables and multiple study rooms, Marston is one of the better places to study. If only the Wi-Fi was up to par and didn’t randomly disconnect. We throw a dart to whatever router is running the Marston Wi-Fi, in the hopes that it will somehow reset and give us all the bandwidth we deserve.

In more nationally relevant news, on Monday, acting Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates was fired by President Donald Trump for refusing to carry out his travel ban, as she said she believed it was unlawful. The announcement of her removal happened two minutes after she was informed of it. In the announcement, it was stated that she “betrayed” the Department of Justice. The whole notice was a wee bit reminiscent of authoritarian governments but, you know, let’s not focus on that. We’re going to focus on Yates herself and how she followed her conscience at the risk of losing her job, because she cared about her country first. She is now nominated for the John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award for standing by her convictions. Our laurel may not be as shiny and special as the courage award, but we will still hand it to Yates, for standing up for what she believes in.