Mediocre Advice: friends, parties

Dear Mediocre,

How do I find a study group and make friends?

-Mr. Lonely

Dear Mr. Lonely,

There are so many ways to make friends on campus. Maybe you’re not even a student, but you’re seeking companionship at the library. My advice is to go with your gut. If you see a group of college girls with their heads in their books, pull up a chair and join their group. No questions asked. Maybe they’re physics majors and you’re studying art history. Who cares? And never disclose anything truthful about yourself, because there is probably a reason you don’t have friends in the first place. It’s OK to make things up about yourself. This is college.

Hope that helps,

Mediocre

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Dear Mediocre,

How do I tell people that I don’t want to party?

-Buzz Kill

Dear Buzz Kill,

Stop being a pansy and take the shot. Instead of having the thought process that you don’t want to party, just change how you party. What I mean is simple. Go big, or just go home. The second you hit the scene, whether it’s a party, a club or a study group, make sure to be the first person to do at least two shots. Then, after every other person there takes a shot, challenge them and take another. Once you’re on your fifth shot of tequila, that whole nonsense about not wanting to party will seem like nothing more than a distant memory.

Cheers,

Mediocre

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Dear Mediocre,

I’m afraid of registering for my last semester. How do I combat the anxiety of life after graduation?

-Not Ready

Dear Not Ready,

First things first, make peace with the idea that you’ll probably be sleeping on your parents’ sofa in just a few months, so live it up, buttercup. Second, your student loan debt is literally going to drown you and prevent you from doing anything fun until you’ve paid it off in about 30 years. Honestly, it’s going to suck. If I were you, I’d try really hard to just fail everything and have to retake classes. That’ll buy you a few more semesters, and maybe you can hatch up some plan to escape your impending doom in the meantime. Either way, good luck.

-Mediocre