Site: Vanderbilt Stadium (Cap. 39,790)
Kickoff: Noon
TV/Radio: SEC Network/ Gators IMG Sports Network
This is it.
The most hyped time of the season is upon us: Vanderbilt week.
UF coach Jim McElwain will go head to head against VU coach Derek Mason, who owns a 9-19 record and is coming off a one-point overtime win over the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers.
Vanderbilt ranks 102nd in the nation in scoring offense, 65th in scoring defense and tied for 108th in first downs per game.
Oh wait, you thought we were talking about the matchup between the two football teams?
Ha. Good one.
The real contest this weekend: Alligator sports writers vs. Nashville BBQ.
The most exciting matchup will be a Friday night face-off at Jack’s BBQ at 9 p.m, broadcasted live on ESPNU.
We hear Jack’s will be starting its pulled pork sliders and side of cornbread, and there’s even rumors that they’ll be introducing a surprise menu item this weekend that may catch our sports writers by surprise.
And like a certain Florida football coach last week, Jack’s has closed all kitchen viewing to the media since Monday.
But as long as we give it 110 percent, believe in each other and trust our preparation, we should be able to fight through some adversity and come out with a victory.
Debating this week’s matchup between Alligator Sports writers and Jack’s BBQ are sports editor Ian Cohen and assistant sports editor Ethan Bauer.
Sports writers will win because…
Jack’s may have been established over 40 years ago, but who doesn’t love a good underdog story? The sports writers unseat the long-standing champion in dramatic fashion, cornbread and all.
-Ian Cohen
Jack’s BBQ will win because…
I’ll keep this short and sweet: It’s a barbecue place named Jack’s in the deep south that sells sauce by the bottle. How can it lose?
-Ethan Bauer
Now onto the picks!
In first place with a 19-13 record is alligatorSports editor Ian “I’ve gotta pee” Cohen, who stopped about a dozen times during the Knoxville road trip to relieve himself. Hey Ian, if you’re really that worried about whizzing in your car, why not just grab a couple of empty water bottles and call it a day?
In second place with an 18-14 record is Edgar “S---, I have to watch my mouth?” Thompson, who had to hold back curse words during new UF athletics director Scott Stricklin’s introductory press conference on Tuesday because the Alligator editors were recording live video the entire time. Sorry for the hassle, Edgar, but maybe we’ll rub off on you and you’ll learn how to get through a sentence without spouting an expletive.
In third place with a 17-15 record is the Gainesville Sun’s Graham “Homeless” Hall, who will be rooming with the Alligator football road crew in Nashville for the Vanderbilt game this weekend because he has nowhere else to stay and because no one loves him. Don’t take this personally, Graham, but just remember the next time you need to share a hotel room, your car always has a comfortable trunk.
In fourth place with a 16-16 record is assistant sports editor Ethan “Don’t sass me, Mac” Bauer, who confused UF coach Jim McElwain on Wednesday when he asked about a football player’s redshirt being taken off this week. Wait a minute, Ethan. I didn’t realize you were the color-blind sports editor. You should get that checked out.
We have a three-way tie for fifth place with 15-17 records.
First is staff writer Jordan “Call me Afroman” McPherson, who surprised the Alligator crew when he knew all the words to Afroman’s “Colt 45” when it came on the radio during our road trip to Knoxville last week. Don’t hide your true colors, Jordan. Beneath those glasses and short-sleeved flannel shirts, we know you’re a hardened, hip-hop aficionado.
Next is 247sports.com’s Thomas “Too good for Vanderbilt” Goldkamp, who will be a healthy scratch from the UF media team this week as he holds down the fort in Gainesville. I’m sure you’ll have fun barhopping around Midtown, bud. We’ll pour one out for you when we go to Broadway tonight.
Third is GatorCountry.com’s Nick “Clickbait” De La Torre, who headlined a story “Luke Del Rio returns to practice this week,” but didn’t mention that Del Rio was “highly doubtful” until three paragraphs into the story. We know you need those clicks to fund your Just For Men hair products, Nick, but try to be a little more honest next time.
And in dead-ass-last with a piss-poor record of 13-19 is online sports editor Patrick “Baby face” Pinak, who we legitimately didn’t recognize after he shaved his beard earlier this week. Hey Patrick, who’s that timid-looking college freshman and what did you do with our online editor? Consider buying hair implants until it grows back. Trust us.
