So North Texas is coming into town this weekend to close out Florida’s three-game home stand to open up the season.
I’m sure you're all wondering: What the hell is there to know about North Texas’ football team, the mighty Conference-USA Mean Green team that went 1-11 last year?
Well, we here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column uncovered a random nugget from the school’s rich history that makes sense if you put two and two together.
Mean Joe Greene — yes, the Hall of Fame defensive lineman Mean Joe Greene who played for the Pittsburgh Steelers and is well-known for the “Hey, Kid, Catch” commercial — is a North Texas alum and received his revered nickname as a play on the school’s nickname.
Who knew? A lot of you, probably.
Maybe we’ll see the rising of North Texas’ next superstar in The Swamp. Anyway, enough of that.
Debating the game of the week— a Saturday-night Southeastern Conference showdown in Baton Rouge between Mississippi State and LSU — are online sports editor Patrick Pinak and assistant sports editor Ethan Bauer.
LSU (-14) has the edge because…
All you really need to know about this game is that it’s a night game in Death Valley.
Since Les Miles took over in 2005, the Tigers have only lost one Saturday night home game to an unranked opponent — last year’s 31-14 loss to Arkansas.
But LSU will plow the Bulldogs and cover the spread for one simple reason: A healthy, well-rested Leonard Fournette.
Fournette sat out a game after re-tweaking his ankle against Wisconsin in Week 1 and will be back bulldozing opposing linebackers.
Plus, Fournette went full savage mode when he faced MSU a year ago. He rushed for 159 yards and scored all three touchdowns in the 21-19 win. Yes, he alone scored more points than the entire team.
And he’ll probably do that again Saturday.
-Patrick Pinak
Actually, Mississippi State (+14) will take it all the way because…
I want to say MSU will beat the spread because it has home field advantage, but it doesn't. I want to say MSU will beat the spread because Bulldogs beat Tigers any day, but my best guess is that’s probably not true. I want to say MSU will beat the spread because it’s gotten off to a promising start, but it lost to South Alabama.
That doesn’t leave me with much, but I do like Mississippi State’s maroon color. I’ll pick the Bulldogs for that reason and that reason only.
-Ethan Bauer
Now onto the picks!
Holding down his first-place spot with a 10-6 record is alligatorSports editor Ian “Your last name sounds Jewish” Cohen, who only cares about you and your life if you’re Jewish. We get it, Ian, you have 82 menorahs in your house. But not everyone reeks of Judaism, Ian Benjamin, so stop judging people by their last names. You can be friends with the rest of us, too.
Making a jump to second place with a 9-7 record is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “I feel like I’m on Molly” Thompson, who, after trying the media-provided coffee at Florida’s game against Kentucky on Saturday, said he felt like he was sipping “liquid cocaine.” We get it, Edgar, you can’t handle your caffeine. Maybe you should bump down to green tea and leave the real caffeine consumption to the professionals.
In third place at 8-8 is Gator Country’s Nick “and a Diet Coke” De La Torre, who somehow ran up an almost $50 tab at Gator's Dockside on Wednesday. Yes, Nick, all the food and alcohol will help you fit snuggly into the kid’s size medium t-shirt, but holy crap, man, get a hold of yourself before you become a diabetic.
And here comes the fun one. We have a four-way tie for fourth place with 7-9 records.
First is alligatorSports assistant editor Ethan “I am an 80-year-old man” Bauer, who ordered a leather wallet off amazon that can magnetically hold his phone in a brown, worn-out leather case. Maybe that’s why you never talk; because you’re too good for us youngins.
Next is staff writer Jordan “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WHISPER,” McPherson, who caused half the Alligator staff severe hearing loss during the alligatorSports podcast recording this week. We hate to break it to you Jordan, but microphones exist so you don’t have to scream at people. We know you care a lot about sports, but there’s no reason to ruin our ear drums, thank you.
Third in the bunch is the Gainesville Sun’s Graham “this gives me morning wool” Hall, who got, um, excited over a sheep-filled tweet on Thursday. We get it Graham. Your insufferable neckbeard makes the sheep look like your brethren, but keep it in your pants, man.
Rounding out the four-way tie is 247sports.com’s Thomas “putting up a fight” Goldkamp, who remarkably had a winning record last week. Good for you, Goldkamp. You have a pulse in this competition. Glad to hear you’re not on the injury report.
And in dead-ass last with a piss-poor record of 6-10 is alligatorSports online editor Patrick “Too cool for this section” Pinak. As the only person remotely capable of anything athletic, it’s no wonder that half the guys here have a super not-subtle man crush on you. Maybe that’s why you just want to sit in silence, chewing gum like a cow, because you think you’re that much better than us. It’s a shame your picks column performance doesn’t live up to all that hype.
To see our picks, head over to Alligator.org/sports.
