SITE: The Swamp (cap. 88,548)
KICKOFF: 3:30 p.m., Saturday
TV/RADIO: CBS/Gators IMG Sports
The alligatorSports Brand Picks Column is back, which means there must be a football game coming up.
But we’ll get to that later. There’s more pressing football news going on at a baseball diamond in Port St. Lucie. That’s right, Gator fans. Your good ole friend and former UF football star Tim Tebow signed with the New York Mets on Thursday (conveniently going to a team with an orange-and-blue color scheme), received a $100,000 signing bonus and will report to the franchise’s instructional league on Sept. 18.
How far he goes (or if he even plays) is to be determined, but we’ll see how that plays out.
I mean, it can’t be as bad as his NFL career, right?
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to some football.
Debating the game of the week — a Saturday-night showdown in the Hawkeye State between Iowa and Iowa State — are alligatorSports editor Ian Cohen and staff writer Jordan McPherson.
Iowa (-15) will win because…
Forget Florida vs. Florida State, Auburn vs. Alabama and Michigan vs. Ohio State.
Iowa vs. Iowa State is the nation’s real top rivalry.
And while this one is sure to be a nail-biter, the No. 16 Hawkeyes will eventually break away in the fourth quarter and put their in-state foes to rest. Trust me, I’m an expert.
-Ian Cohen
Iowa State (+15) will win because…
If last week proved anything, it’s that there is no such thing as a guaranteed win. Why should this game be any different? Yes, the Cyclones are the underdog. And they’re facing a top-20 team. And they’ve lost eight of their last nine games. … Wait, what was the point I’m trying to make?
-Jordan McPherson
Now onto the picks!
In first place with a 7-1 record is alligatorSports editor Ian “Shoobie” Cohen, who comfortably embraces the fact that he wears socks with his sandals while working in the office. Yes, Ian, it’s undeniably cold at the Alligator office. But come on, man. Don’t be one of those guys. Also, if you didn’t catch the Rocket Power reference — shout out to kids who watched Nickelodeon in the ‘90s — don’t worry. Ian didn’t either.
Next up and drastically behind Ian with equal 4-4 records, we have a four-way tie for second place.
First up is online editor Patrick “Princess” Pinak, who had quite a fit in the office on Sunday when he found out the Alligator's fantasy football draft was done through NFL.com instead of ESPN. Sorry, Patrick, we know you think NFL.com is the "Wal-Mart of fantasy football", but try to put your biases aside for one season. We know it'll be tough, but we all believe in you.
Second is staff writer Jordan “What is sleep?” McPherson, who, when assigned to write a school paper about a time he ventured out of his comfort zone, decided to write about a night last week when he got 10 hours of sleep. Dude, put the Excel sheets away and get some shuteye. Your precious statistics will still be there when you wake up.
Third among the tied group is the Gainesville Sun’s Graham “Do your homework” Hall, who was called out by Gators coach Jim McElwain for not being prepared when he asked a question at Saturday’s postgame press conference. Hey, Graham, we know you barely made it out of UF with a degree. It’s time to start being an adult and actually know what the hell you’re talking about.
Rounding out the tie for second is Gator Country’s Nick “movie buff” De La Torre, who was called out by Gators defensive line coach Chris Rumph (and basically the entire UF media corps) when he argued that Samuel L. Jackson was a one-role actor. That’s not gonna fly here, Nick. And let’s face it: It’s not like you’re going to star in a major motion picture anytime soon.
In sixth place boasting a 3-5 record is alligatorSports assistant editor Ethan “reeks of redneck” Bauer, who tries to hide his true self from the rest of the media by being the most dressed up person every time he goes into public. Embrace your inner Southerner, Ethan. In fact, wear jean shorts to the press box on Saturday. People will love you for being you.
Joining Ethan in sixth place is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “anti-hair transplant” Thompson, who went on a well-documented rampage before a recent media availability about his disdain for guys who go out of their way to remedy their baldness. Yes, Edgar, we get that you’re able to cope with your receding hairline, but that doesn’t mean every bald guy wants to hide his shiny head under a mad hat.
And in dead-ass-last with a piss-poor record of 2-6 is Thomas “drive-by” Goldkamp, who took to Twitter to discuss how his attempts to park on UF’s campus this week have “turned into a creepy game of ‘stalk whoever’s walking’ in your car at 3 MPH.” We get it, Goldkamp. Parking at UF sucks. But if you spent as much time on your picks as you did trying to park your car, you might not be in the situation you’re in right now.
