Dear Mediocre,
Where is the best place to go for Spring Break on a budget?
- Cheap Traveler
Dear Cheap Traveler,
If you’re looking for excitement and adventure this Spring Break, then there is no other dream destination like your mom and dad’s house. Especially if you’re a penny-pinching cheapskate. Think of it this way: a nice warm sofa, a refrigerator stocked with food that magically replenishes itself and, best of all, no chance of contracting any sexually transmitted diseases.
If you’re trying to get a tan, volunteering to mow your folks’ lawn is a nice way to say, “Thank you for letting me be a bum and continue to mooch off of you.” If you wanted to get into the water, forget the beach, which is so last year. Instead, just suit up and prepare yourself to spend five hours inflating a kiddie pool from Wal-Mart. No sharks in there. I like to promote a safe Spring Break.
Cheers,
Mediocre
Dear Mediocre,
How do I tell my significant other that I am pregnant?
- Can’t Fit Into My Jeans
Dear Can’t Fit Into My Jeans,
First things first: Pop open the button on those suckers and let it all hang out. Didn’t you know that pregnancy is trendy? It’s all the rage, especially among young couples who have no idea what they want for the future. In fact, the more uncertain you are, the better.
If I were you, I would keep things pretty low-key. You never want to ambush your significant other with news like this in a public place. Wait for a family gathering, like a birthday or any other occasion where all family members are present. You’ve got to share that love with everyone. I would definitely make it known that this pregnancy was unplanned and that you are apprehensive about the whole thing. Remember, the more uncertain, the better.
Also, make sure to hire a very expensive photographer to capture the entire thing on camera. Privacy is a thing of the past. You want to upload these gems to Facebook as soon as possible. Even if you haven’t told your extended family, you definitely need to share the news with everyone on your Facebook Timeline. Even that girl in high school who let you borrow a tampon in the bathroom once. Spread the love! Everyone should share in your joy.
Best wishes,
Mediocre
Send your questions to mediocre.alligator.advice@gmail.com and together we’ll find solutions to your dilemmas.
