Well, here we are.
Another week, another new set of songs to read about, listen to once and proceed to violently ignore before retreating to that one playlist you’ve been shuffling through since the summer of your freshman year.
This week, we bring you a set of songs so wonderful, so diverse, you can easily listen to them as you study, cook and hump — simultaneously if you want. Making an appearance in today’s segment are two Canadians, an enigma and a washing machine.
Alright.
First we have a song from the enigma: The Japanese House’s "Clean" (Nov. 6).
This track sounds like it would play at a Heaven house party in heaven. Twinkling xylophones and synthetic syrup flicker about as a voice seduces your senses, tip-toeing the line of consent. As a crisp snare cuts through the goo like a machete does trees, the gates of heaven open. I think David’s drunk.
Next up to bat, it’s Grimes. The oddball synth-pop singer has made a name for herself this year by being weird and cute. She isn’t the girl to bring home to your little sister’s slumber party. She’s the industry’s best-kept secret, so I’ll make this quick.
Off her new album, "Art Angels," a few songs spoke to me. The first being "Laughing and Not Being Normal," the album’s intro. This almost-2-minute track reminds me of a stroll through 19th-century England. A chronic thump and some haunting strings scurry through the opening half of the song before Grimes steps in, who sings in a falsetto that’s equal parts Geisha and Arabian Nights.
Up next, it’s Justin Bieber. Hold the jeers.
In 2015, the former "baby-baby-baby-ooooooo" singer transitioned from a prepubescent, stuck-up piece of bubble gum to a post-pubescent, slightly less annoying 21-year-old. You can finally listen to the kid without looking over your shoulder. This year, he ditched his shrieking love songs and Disney endorsements in lieu of some substance with releases like, "What Do You Mean?" and "I’ll Show You."
On his latest single, "Love Yourself," Bieber rips a page out of Ed Sheeran’s book with a simple guitar-driven tune that your mom will adore. Although it takes a few listens to make sure you don’t hate the song, trust me — it’s pretty good. Bieber never steps over the line. He doesn’t say "baby" 30 times, and he doesn’t sound like he’s crying. He has grown up, just in time for his new album to come out tomorrow.
So, earlier I promised you a washing machine. At first, I was hesitant to mention it. But you’ve earned it, and oddly enough, I trust you.
Anyway, the machine’s name is the Whirlpool Ultimate Care II, and it has three simple settings: wash, rinse and drugs.
This final setting, drugs, was used by two Baltimore men to create an album of nonstop washing machine noises. The whole thing goes on for about 38 minutes. That’s a lot of laundry.
….And that’s a lot of drugs.
Matmos, a conceptual electronic duo, used the washing machine in their basement to create the album, "Ultimate Care II," which is actually just one long composition.
At times, the men bang on their machine like a drum. Then they play synthetic sounds through its hollow metal. At other points, they just turn it on and let it wash.
The result: a piece of music that varies between charming and confusing.
These are just my suggestions — mere opinions. Aside from my picks, there’s also new music from Coldplay, CeeLo Green, Ellie Goulding and more out there. But that’s up to you to find.
Go out, reader. Follow the beat of your own drum and/or appliance.
