The 21st century has brought me a lot of things that I’m thankful for, among them being iPhones, the next Star Wars trilogy and butt stuff.
Seriously, where would we be today without it? What would horny guys use as their first message on Tinder if not, "So… Butt stuff?" What would Lena Dunham’s "Girls" make headlines for if not the salad tossing of Allison Williams?
It even has a hashtag, which is truly how you know you’ve reached the pinnacle of chic-ness. Only the coolest of the cool get hashtags, which is why we see things like #ItsGreatUF and #ButtStuff2k15 instead of #ItsReallyJustOKFSU and #MissionaryPosish500AD.
Positions like cowgirl and missionary have probably been around since Adam and Eve decided to bang in the Garden of Eden, but anal sex — or at least references to it — has really been a product of the last decade.
There are no references to the phrase "butt stuff" in headlines until January 2005. Immediately after its entrance into popular culture, it dropped off and then started steadily rising back until reaching its peak in July of this year, according to Google Trends.
Let’s credit this to the Fourth of July because, really, #ButtStuff2k15 is the most patriotic thing you can do for your country. I mean it.
Butt stuff — calling it that, at least — is pretty much entirely an American trend.
Aside from Canada copying us — there’s a Mountie joke in here somewhere — to a lesser degree, butt stuff references exist pretty much only in the good old U.S. of A.
But all this begs the question: What’s with our Tina Belcher-like ass obsession?
When I was trying to brainstorm ideas regarding what to write about this week, an overwhelming number of people immediately suggested butt stuff.
Why the fascination?
My theory is, despite its popularity, there’s still some taboo there. It’s like how you said you would never use Tinder, but then you did. You feel kind of dirty, but man, does it feel good.
The appeal of wanting what you can’t have isn’t a new concept. Think Adam and Eve with the apple, Romeo and Juliet and their star-crossed love or me any time I see somebody else’s puppy.
Beyond that, it’s the "cool" thing to do now.
Telling your friends you had anal over a mimosa at brunch is some juicy gossip. Whereas in high school when you wanted to know who was doing it, now we want to know who’s doing it in the butt.
This is evidenced by the myriad how-to articles on anal and all the articles that, like this one, discuss its popularity.
Anal is the new black, and it’s certainly trending as such.
The great thing about butt stuff is it does not strictly refer to anal sex, which can seem scary and off-putting.
It’s like a choose-your-own-asshole-adventure.
If you want to just do hand stuff, do hand stuff. If you want to really go ass-spelunking, you do you.
Because even anal play has its levels of taboo and acceptability.
Not everyone might be comfortable with all facets of #ButtStuff2k15, and that’s OK.
A finger in the butt isn’t exactly a shocker — get it? — anymore.
Anal sex, maybe more so.
Toys, like plugs and beads, are a little more intense.
Eating the booty like groceries — thanks, Jhené Aiko! — is probably off the menu for some.
But despite all the jokes, anal sex is pretty intimate.
Having someone who’s not only willing, but enthusiastic, to put a body part inside your sphincter is actually endearingly sweet — no, uh, butts about it.
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism senior. Her column appears on Fridays.
