I keep seeing posts or overhearing conversations where someone says, "I’m completely straight, but I find girls so hot and I want to make out with them!" or, "I’m totally not gay, but I want to try giving a blowjob," or "I swear I’m 100 percent homosexual, but man, do I want to have sex with someone of the opposite gender."
The last one might be an exaggeration, but seriously everyone, what’s up with this school of thought?
I always laugh to myself when people chime in to the aforementioned inquiries to say the following: You’re either totally straight or totally gay.
So, because Wednesday was Bi Visibility Day, and because this week is Bisexual Awareness Week, let me remind you that there is another option.
To be more specific, there are endless options. The idea that sexuality has to be limited to just a heterosexual, homosexual or even bisexual classification is ridiculous. It’s OK if you feel like you don’t totally fit in with one of those labels — why put a label on your sexuality anyway?
Sexuality is an individualistic thing, which is why I don’t run up to "totally straight" people, grab them by the shoulders and shake them while I say, "It’s OK to admit you may be bisexual!"
Neither I, nor anybody else, can force a label of sexuality upon anyone. But you should ask yourself: If I’m sexually attracted to both males and females, if I want to engage in sexual activities with both genders, why am I unwilling to call myself bisexual? Why do I insist so strongly that I’m totally straight?
It might be because bisexuality has such a stigma attached to it. Bisexual people are seen as indecisive and greedy because they aren’t picking just one side. They’re seen as more likely to cheat because they’re attracted to more than one gender.
There’s a lot of stigma against bisexual individuals in the LGBTQ+ community as well and even among other people who identify as bisexual. Not everyone is equally attracted to ladies and gents, so those who are genuinely 50-50 might look down upon people who identify as 80-20.
Regardless of how much attraction you feel to each gender, your bisexuality is still just as valid.
People often also assume bisexuality is a phase, which is why some people who identify as gay or lesbian don’t want to date bisexual people, and why some assume once you settle down with someone, your sexuality changes.
This concept seems strange to me. I’m bisexual, and when I started dating my boyfriend, I didn’t immediately think, "Well there you go, I guess I’m totally straight now! All my attraction to girls is gone."
We seem to be fixated on absolutes in terms of sexuality, which mirrors some other absolutes we believe in. Society expects you to know exactly what you want to major in, exactly what you want to do for a career, exactly who you’re attracted to and what you call your sexuality.
But we go against other absolutes all the time. How many times have you heard of people changing majors or friend groups?
We would never think of establishing absolutes for other aspects of life. For example, you’re not expected to drink only Coca-Cola or Sprite for the rest of your life — you can switch between the two. Why can’t we follow that in terms of sexual attraction? Sexuality can be just as fluid as our soft drinks — one night you want to drink Coke, and next week you’re in the mood for Sprite.
It’s OK if you don’t want to put a label on your sexuality, but you shouldn’t be afraid of referring to yourself as "bisexual" if that is truly how you identify yourself. Sexuality is not binary. It’s not shameful to feel attraction to both men and women, just like it’s not shameful to like Coke and Sprite...and Dr. Pepper and Fanta. But hey, I don’t judge.
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism senior. Her column appears on Fridays.
