A few weeks ago, my poor, innocent mother asked me the dreaded question: "What is Tumblr?" Considering how long the blogging platform has been around, it’s odd that we had avoided talking about it up until this point. I walked her through the basics, but I felt bad when I left her unprepared for the things she might stumble upon when browsing the site for scrapbooking ideas.
If you have never used Tumblr, it’s actually pretty similar to the rest of the Internet. You click on one link, or walk down one dark alleyway, aaaaaand there’s sex. Not all of it is smutty and filthy — although one time, and I kid you not, I read a story in which the Hogwarts castle and a giant squid had a love affair — a lot of it is actually very helpful, such as the myriad social justice blogs and sexual educators that use the site.
Sometimes, you stumble upon the perfect mix of the two. Enter a new Tumblr blog, "How To Make Me Come," which is described by its creators as "a collection of anonymous essays by women talking about female orgasm."
They go on to say that "the female orgasm can sometimes be challenging to achieve and/or talk about, but it goes beyond that. When we talk about female orgasm, something deeper is at play — for one, the societal assessment and conversation of female sexuality; the consequences of which bleed into the areas of our lives far outside the bedroom."
Can I get a hell yeah?
In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a big fan of this. Resources like this are ultra-important because they reinforce a few key things about sex, among them being that female pleasure is important. You can’t tell, but I’m side-eyeing all the partners who consider sex to be done as soon as they get theirs, even when their ladies sitting there afterward thinking, "So do I just leave now, or…?"
Also notable is the scope of the blog. When you’re as open about sex as I am, sometimes you’ll get questions like, "What sex position do girls like the most?" or "How do girls want to be asked out?" As much as I’d like to imagine I have a crown on my head that reads, "delegate for the female gender," — implying that I can speak for all women — I don’t.
To the surprise and horror of many, women are capable of independent thought and have individualized expectations or desires.
The blog has 72 posts so far, meaning there are 72 different accounts of how orgasms happen or how they don’t. It’d be pretty boring if all 72 posts said, "I’d like five minutes of oral, and then I’d like you to finger me with only the index finger, and then we can have sex for 10 minutes and 23 seconds."
It comes down to this: Humans, and subsequently their orgasms and sexual preferences, are so varied they can’t be encompassed by a one-size-fits-all answer. Asking a female friend how to make your girlfriend feel good isn’t going to yield results as good as just asking your girlfriend.
And, although this column has focused on female pleasure, the conversation is a two-way street. Both partners need to take interest and care about what gets the other off.
If there’s a lesson to take away from this column, it’s that partners need to talk to each other. Actually talk to the person you’re having sex with — I know, a conversation isn’t what you’re looking for in a one-night stand, but hear me out.
It can be a simple, "Does that feel good? Is that pressure okay? Do you like it when I do this?" It can get more complex, like asking your partner to masturbate so you can see first-hand what feels good to them. But ultimately, it’s worth it. I guarantee, if you make them feel good, they’re going to want to make you feel just as good (if not better) in return.
Check it out for yourself at howtomakemecome.tumblr.com.
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism senior. Her column appears on Fridays.
