Right, Gainesville, so a lot big things, a lot of cool things and a lot of stupid things happened this week, and it’s that time of the week when we at the Alligator give you some highlights with this week’s edition of …
Darts and Laurels
We’d like to offer a public service announcement regarding a certain figure that has been floating about the headlines lately.
Apparently Donald Trump is worth $10 billion. Man, that’s more than the combined wages of everyone at the Alligator. Isn’t it neat?
No.
You see, there have been a lot of headlines tossing that number about and a lot quotes with Trump bragging about how rich he is, and we honestly don’t give a single hoot (quantified as two damns) about it.
Donald Trump, and also the publications that decided his bragging was a news piece worth more than a five-inch blurb, you get a nice, hefty dart.
We’ve got a lot more on our minds regarding our presidential candidates than their net worth.
Say, for example, the fact that Trump is gaining support regardless of his racist remarks.
Next up, Florida’s got quite the record for weird headlines, but even we’re given pause when we find the headline, “Grand jury indicts Kendall man for murder in dog-poop shooting.”
Omar Rodriguez, a dog being a dog is not, in fact, a fair reason to shoot the owner three times and then threaten his wife when she goes to comfort the bleeding man.
That’s wrong. You’re bad. You get a dart.
Seriously, dude. Relax. You could have offered the guy a bag to clean it up or something.
If you had any doubt over whether we’re currently living in the future then lay those doubts to rest because we’ve got pictures of Pluto’s hills and valleys light years away from where we as a human race can even conceptualize the existence of the planetoid.
Or planet if you’re one of those cool kids who lived during the era of the nine planets.
We digress.
Budget cuts aside, our space program deserves a mighty pat to the back for successfully sending a probe to the known edges of our galaxy and sending back tourist shots, but since we don’t have the security clearances to do that here, we’ll just give NASA a laurel for staying ahead in the space race.
Seriously, that’s some cool stuff.
Lastly, Japan and the U.S. will have the honor of being the first two countries in the world to host a giant robot fight. Our take on the matter?
That’s. Freaking. Awesome.
U.S.-based robotics company MegaBots issued a challenge last month to have their six-ton, dual-piloted, cannon wielding, walking robot straight out of a sci-fi movie face off against Japanese company Suidobashi Heavy Industry’s 4.5-ton, gatling gun-wielding robot Kuratas.
Just writing that last sentence made us feel way more cool than we were five minutes ago.
This basic concept is getting a laurel for being plain badass.
[A version of this story ran on page 6 on 7/16/15]
