Let’s start with what’s been buzzing in the news lately. Several FIFA officials and other affiliates were recently indicted on charges of racketeering, wire fraud, money laundering and general corruption.
For those of you who only watch American football, FIFA is the international governing body of soccer — or football everywhere else in the world that’s not the U.S.
In any event, apparently millions of dollars were exchanged as part of a decades-old scheme, involving selection fraud, election fraud and objectionable money laundering.
Soccer officials apparently accepted more than $150 million in bribes in exchange for media deals from sports-marketing executives throughout the U.S. and South America.
Some of which was literally exchanged through money-laden briefcases in upscale hotels like something out of a mob film.
These schemes apparently influenced the selection of World Cup locations, with the South African bid committee arranging a $10 million bribe in exchange for becoming the location for the 2010 World Cup.
Thus, on the part of stopping yearlong corruption and hopefully putting an end to all this unpleasant business, we place a laurel upon the heads of Switzerland law enforcement and FBI agents for their part in this sting.
Meanwhile, in lowerbrow news, a 19-year-old man is facing charges of grand theft after he was witnessed stuffing an assault rifle down his pants in a Davie pawn shop.
Marlon Paul Alvarez reportedly went to the local Public Pawn and Gun and stuffed an AK-47 down his pants, but being a discerning customer of firearms, he proceeded to put it back on the shelf and stuff another assault rifle down his pants before limping out of the shop.
All within the shop owner’s sight.
Suffice it to say he was caught and arrested.
For sheer stupidity, Alvarez shall be awarded a dart. Because if that’s not the stupidest attempt at grand theft we’ve ever heard, we’re not sure what is.
On a more local note, the Florida athletics department received extreme praise this week, and not for its athletic success (even though the softball team is vying for a national title in Oklahoma City this weekend).
The NCAA announced Wednesday that all 21 of UF’s varsity athletic teams posted top academic progress rating scores, which account for eligibility, retention and graduation to provide a measure of each team’s academic performance with 14 teams equalling or improving their total from last season.
Each team earned a score no lower than 960 out of 1,000, far exceeding the minimum 930 mark required by the NCAA. Most only see collegiate student-athletes for their worth on the field. But at the end of the day, they are still students, and success in the classroom is meant to be a priority.
For that, we award the UF University Athletic Association with a keeping-the-student-in-student-athlete LAUREL.
[A version of this story ran on page 7 on 5/28/15]
