Saying goodbye isn’t necessarily always hard.
For one thing, it won’t be too hard for me to say goodbye to UF when I graduate next weekend. I don’t think I can handle one more class without going insane, but more importantly, I know for the most part this university wasn’t a good fit for me.
Maybe I should rephrase that to say I wasn’t a good fit for UF. Not fitting in seemed to be a constant throughout my adolescent years, which followed me even after high school was over.
Don’t get me wrong: I’ve enjoyed my time in this little college town. I’ve had some great professors in the College of Journalism and Communications and learned a lot, but I wouldn’t call college the “best four years of my life,” nor would I say it’s where I grew as a journalist.
Throughout my time here, my thoughts were a constant flow of “I don’t fit in,” “I should’ve gone to x, y or z instead,” and, “Why is everyone so obsessed with football around here?”
That feeling, and the feeling I’m ready to graduate and move on to find a job that I’ll be passionate about (or at least be able to make a living with), even if it’s a little scary, is why saying goodbye to UF won’t be so hard for me.
But this is where the Alligator comes in, and suddenly saying goodbye isn’t as easy as it was supposed to be.
I would be a liar if I said some nights at the Alligator weren’t difficult and frustrating, and during those nights, saying goodbye to this part of my life would feel like a breeze. But there’s so much more to this whirlwind of a newsroom filled with crazy, passionate, talented people that made for some great memories — and no matter how much I want to set the office on fire sometimes, I know some of the goodbyes I’ll make will most likely be accompanied by tears.
Even during my first moments inside this run-down office, something felt different from the rest of my experiences at UF. Even as a timid contributing writer, I felt comfortable. I thought, “Maybe this is where I would fit in one day.”
And somehow, I did.
From the late nights on copy desk, to the naps and talks in the editor’s office last semester, to the laughs behind closed doors in the opinions/Avenue/freelance office, to the words of support and my snarky, sarcastic but loving responses to my colleagues and friends (sorry if you were ever offended — well, not really), I found that place in college where I fit in. The place I could call home. The place I could be myself, which honestly would probably be best described as the real-life Daria.
A sense of belonging is nice and all, but I got so much more than that the last three semesters at the Alligator, such as knowledge, support and friendships I hope to be able to keep beyond this grungy newsroom.
Thanks for everything, y’all: for the laughs, the lessons, the opportunities and all of the good times.
Ellen Villafuerte is a graduating UF journalism senior and the editor of the Avenue.
[A version of this story ran on page 9 on 4/22/2015]
