It’s finally here — the last real Friday of the semester. Your last Friday to skip classes before you head off to a beach somewhere, to more classrooms for Summer C, or even worse — to the real world.
As much as it pains me to point out: Yes, some of you do have to graduate. And judging by how much I am trying to slow down the next year until my graduation, I can only assume you’re trying to slow down the next few weeks.
I realized that with just 52 or so weeks until my graduation, there are so many things I still need to do. I mean, I still haven’t done a keg stand or gone on a road trip.
Not to mention all of the sexual things that 13-year-old me would be bummed about if college-graduate me never did them — read: threesome.
So without further ado, your college sex bucket list:
We’ll start with something simple. If you haven’t already, hook up sober. This seems really dumb, but hear me out. Undoubtedly, a lot of people engage in completely sober hookups most, if not all, of the time. And that’s great!
But if you’re stuck in the routine of going to the bars, getting drunk and bringing someone home, you’re really missing out. Learn how to sleep with someone without the help of 50 cent wells. Plus, whiskey dick isn’t a thing when you’re sober.
Go skinny-dipping. OK, this isn’t really that sexual — unless it turns into something more. But, do as much I’m-doing-stuff-naked-just-because-I-can stuff before you join the real world.
Learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and just your own skin. So go skinny-dipping, run that naked lap because you suck at beer pong, streak through Turlington Plaza. Where else after graduation are you going to have an opportunity to be so naked with such little chance of getting caught? Consequences for nakedness are a lot worse after college, so live it up while you can.
On a related note, if you’re going to be naked in public, at least have sex. So hook up some place ridiculous. You’ve gone to this university for long enough that you should christen it yourself.
Get it on in a classroom, at a rock quarry or on top of the Stephen C. O’Connell Center. You have the rest of your life for beds, and this will give you a good story to hide from your kids when you bring them back to UF for their own college experience.
Hook up with someone totally outside of your “type.” Like them tall, dark and handsome? Great. But that doesn’t mean you should limit yourself in terms of who you date or who you sleep with. At the very least, hooking up with someone you wouldn’t normally go for can alert you to what you really want, especially in terms of personality. In the process, you might even like it and learn something about how fluid sexuality is.
Similarly, try something you normally wouldn’t. You’ll never have the, “Oh, it was just back in my wild college days” excuse again. So go visit a sex shop at 2 a.m. Try that weird position that you’ll probably pull a muscle from doing. Tie someone up. It’s cool. You’re young. Inhibitions are for old people.
If you haven’t already — and, oh my gosh, if you haven’t, what are you waiting for? — find a contraceptive method that works well for you. Sexually transmitted infections are real, y’all, and they don’t seem pleasant. So before your adult life starts, get in the habit of using condoms to prevent STIs or another method to prevent pregnancy.
It’s the perfect time while many of you are still on your parent’s health insurance plan to figure out what works for you, like the pill or an intrauterine device. And while you’re at it, get tested, too.
For most of you, whether this is the end of your first year or the beginning of your fifth lap around, try some of these or add some stuff to your own list — read: threesomes.
As for you graduating seniors — you may not have a lot of time left, but who really studies on reading days anyway?
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism junior. Her column appears on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 6 on 4/17/2015]
