The week before sophomore year started, I decided I was finally an adult, and it was high time that I purchased my own box of condoms. Prior to that, I had always relied on the free condoms from the health center or crossed my fingers that my partner would bring some.
This was still before my big sexual revolution, so I was a little nervous and brought a friend with me. Important note: Don’t bring a friend who has never seen a condom before to provide input on condoms. There I was, standing in the pharmacy section of Target, overwhelmed.
So many choices! What is the right type to buy? Which brand is better? Did I need an eight-pack, or did I want 30? This question led to an introspective five minutes of, “How lucky am I going to get this year?”
After about 10 minutes of debating with my friend, some male employees started to notice. So, when they walked over and asked if I needed help, I took my opportunity and asked them which they recommended.
Apparently, ultra-thin-feels-like-nothing-is-there-trying-to-wear-as-little-condom-as-possible condoms were the way to go. I laughed because I thought that was very typical of the male ego. No, if I was buying these condoms, they were going to be for me. Ribbed for her pleasure, here we go.
Now, in the year and a half since then, I’ve gotten a better grip on the condom situation. I’ve learned that the ultra-thin ones actually are the way to go — personal preference, though, so do your own experiments.
I’ve also learned that condoms are really awesome and not at all embarrassing. Seriously, if you feel ashamed to purchase or carry condoms with you then you’re not mature enough to have sex.
I know, I know. I’ve talked about condoms before. But safe sex is important and needs to be promoted. Plus, I’m hoping that if I say “use a condom” enough, it’ll be put on my tombstone when I die — family members, if you’re reading this, please take note.
And since February is National Condom Month, according to the American Sexual Health Association, let’s do a condom recap.
The gist of this is: Get condoms, use condoms, love condoms. Condoms are responsible and really should be non-negotiable, especially if you’re having casual sex with multiple partners.
Condoms are great because they’re the only form of contraception that protects against both pregnancy and STIs, kind of like a two-for-one deal. Plus, condoms are some of the more affordable birth control options — free, even, for students like us who can find them at places like the Student Health Care Center and Planned Parenthood.
You honestly have to go out of your way to not have condoms. I was literally just walking through North Lawn one day freshman year when a stranger handed me a bag of them — granted, there was a sex-ed event going on that day, but still!
Admittedly, the sexiest part of condoms is that they’re a constant reminder of the sex that you get to have someday. The condom that you always carry with you — by the way, you probably shouldn’t do that because wallet friction can decrease condom efficacy — pretty much says to you, “Hey buddy, you might not get to use me today, but you will soon, which means you’ll be having sex soon. Rad.”
Now, as for people with penises who say that condoms are too small for you: A girl on the Internet disproved this when she fit a condom over her foot and calf. Of course, you have to take everything on the Internet with a grain of salt. So, I tested it out.
The results? A regular condom went up to mid-calf on me, and a Magnum-brand condom went up about three inches higher. Meaning, you have absolutely no excuses for not finding a condom that will comfortably fit you.
And if your prospective partner says it doesn’t feel as good with a condom, simply respond, “Babe, I’m so good, it’ll feel amazing even with a condom. Let me show you.”
If it really, honestly is uncomfortable, and you’re not just a jerk, you might be using the wrong size condom — consider a smaller or larger option — or you might be allergic to either the latex or lubricant on the condom.
Basically, you should use a condom, and you have no excuses not to. After all, it’s condom sense.
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism junior. Her column appears on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 7 on 2/20/2015 under the headline “Condom sense: Use protection"]
