Welcome back, Gators. I missed everyone dearly during the break and can’t wait for this next year, along with its new eye candy, new late-night adventures and new resolutions.
Here’s the thing, though: I’m not really a fan of typical resolutions. Anything that involves an elliptical machine or lowering my pizza intake is out, and I don’t have the patience or self-control to stick with something for a whole year.
That being said, I think we could all stand to make a few improvements in our lives. Consider this a list of things to do in the coming — get it? — year. Without further ado, your list of sexy resolutions, or sexolutions. It’s a thing.
This year, try new things. That position you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t because you think it’ll make your butt look weird from that angle? Try it. You look great anyway. If you need an excuse, tell your partner I told you to do it. Let me know how it goes.
That toy you saw at X-Mart but were too embarrassed to buy? I’m sure it’s a lot of fun. Just don’t tell your grandma what you bought with her Christmas money.
Another resolution: Always use a condom. If condoms don’t apply in your relationship, please, for my peace of mind, use at least some form of protection and contraception.
Make 2015 the year to invest in your sexual health by protecting against sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy, which, if you hate children the way I do, is kind of a disease of its own.
In addition, get tested. It’s fast, easy and free at the UF Student Health Care Center. Plus, you won’t have to spend the next 300-plus days wondering if that sore is just an ingrown hair or something worse. You should get tested at least once a year if you’re having any type of sex.
This year, be respectful. I guess this can be part of the cheesy “This year, I’m going to be a better person!” resolution. But seriously, people all have their own sexual practices and are into their own things. Someone might cringe at what turns you on, and vice versa.
So, yeah, be a better person. Is it hurting anyone (and not like the BDSM kind of hurt)? Does it involve you? If the answer to both questions is “no,” then let it be. Let people have sex however and with whomever they like.
This year, let’s focus more on enthusiastic consent. This is the year to end rape culture, or at least the beginning of the end. Make sure your partner actually wants to do what you’re both doing. Not only is consent necessary for sex, but an excited “yes” makes sex SO much more fun.
You should be excited — you’re getting laid! But you should want your partner to be as enthusiastic about it as you are. Don’t just settle for a lukewarm “I guess we can.”
I first learned about the birds and the bees 10 years ago. Not only does that make me feel old, but it tells me that it’s probably time for some updated sex ed lessons. Start an open discussion about sex and sex education this year. Have meaningful conversations, not just a high-five the morning after.
I hope these columns can start a dialogue about healthy sexuality, and I hope the things I say can spark a conversation in your personal life. If you need a few mimosas at brunch to be comfortable talking about sex, that’s fine as long as you start talking. Also, I could never hate anything that involves brunch.
And if you have a comment or question for me, let me know. A good conversation is two-sided, and I want to know what you’re thinking. The new year might not have brought a new you, but I hope 2015 is your best year for sex yet. Plus, these resolutions are a hell of a lot easier — and more fun — than that diet anyway.
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism junior. Her column appears on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 6 on 1/9/2015 under the headline “Sexolutions: Becoming a sexpert in 2015"]
