Let’s be real. It’s the 21st century, but — other than advances made in modern contraception — not much has changed in the world of sex. Names are frequently confused. Abandoned muscles are continuously being rediscovered. And, unfortunately, orgasms are still faked.
In 2010, a team of British researchers surveyed 71 heterosexual women between the ages of 18 and 48, and a stunning 80 percent of them said that they pretend to climax at least half the time. Even more surprisingly, a 2012 poll by the New York Daily News revealed that 26 percent of heterosexual women admitted to faking climax every single time they had sex.
Women pretend in the bedroom more often than I thought, but they’re not alone.
To my fellow men who thought they were going to escape this column, brace yourselves. The website Datingadvice.com surveyed more than 1,000 of its male members, and about one in four men admitted to having faked it before.
If you’re wondering how — Google it. Apparently, acting in the bedroom is something both sexes have in common.
Some of the reasons people fake climax include boredom, exhaustion and lack of arousal. The most common reason people bring out their inner Hollywood is to avoid hurting a partner’s feelings. You might find yourself being influenced by a few of these motivations, but let me tell you why you should never give in.
First of all, faking it misleads your lover and awards them a false sense of accomplishment. It gives them the idea that they can bring you to your most vulnerable peak of pleasure, even if they can’t. Meanwhile, they’re walking around in ignorant bliss — without an actual clue of what’s really going on in the bedroom. The most important reason you should save the drama for another occasion, however, is because faking orgasms deprives you both of the most rewarding aspect of intercourse.
Sex is meant to be enjoyable for everyone involved. If you’re not absolutely thrilled, say something. You and your lover should already share a mature and honest enough relationship that welcomes these heavy conversations.
It might be a rough wake up call for one or both of you, but be understanding and coach each other to success.
Faking orgasms also prevents your relationship from reaching an intense level of intimacy. The ability to share such a powerful moment with your lover is a great honor; if you continuously share a fictitious climax, it will devalue the experience when it truly happens.
Honest sex will not only strengthen the bond between you, but it will also make your relationship much more organic and profound.
Sex is not a fairy tale, and there may not always be a happy ending. This doesn’t mean you should add a fake one. Instead, talk about it openly, and your sexual satisfaction will drastically improve. But while you become transparent in your sexual desires also make sure that you’re open to advice from your lover. Understand that bringing your partner to climax is a skill, and there is nothing wrong with teaching or learning how to do it.
Just make sure you avoid faking it because that will only prolong the cycle of unsatisfactory sex.
Christopher Wilde is a biochemistry freshman. His column appears on Tuesdays.
[A version of this story ran on page 7 on 1/20/2015 under the headline “Saying no to fake orgasms"]
