t’s hard to talk about sex without mentioning sexuality. But for many people, sexuality is a deeply sensitive and personal topic.
I’ve previously avoided discussing sexuality in this column because, frankly, it’s not anybody’s business.
However, something happened this week to change my mind.
If you know me, you might know I’ve bounced around a lot with my sexual orientation — from straight to heteroflexible to queer to "I’m not going to label myself as anything, and I’ll just take things as they come" — pun intended.
But there’s one term I haven’t felt comfortable using, even though it’s probably what describes my sexuality most accurately: bisexual.
This is a common sentiment among youth, according to the Human Rights Campaign’s report "Supporting and Caring for Our Bisexual Youth."
Bisexual Visibility Day, which was Tuesday, is trying to fix the stigma and invisibility around bisexuality.
Whenever bisexuality is discussed — which isn’t often — there are usually a lot of myths and stereotypes that surround it. This is why the marginalization of bisexuals, both within and outside of the LGBTQ community, needs to be addressed.
According to the HRC’s report, bisexuality is the tendency to be "attracted to more than one sex, gender or gender identity." Bisexuality isn’t the same as being gay, and bisexuals don’t necessarily face the same problems as their LGBTQ peers.
First of all, it’s hard to come out as bisexual. There are obviously significant struggles involved for many of those who come out as gay or lesbian. However, the HRC report shows that fewer bisexual youth reported being out than their gay or lesbian counterparts, especially to their families or at school.
When they do come out, common reactions are: "you’re just being selfish," "pick a side" or "it’s a phase."
I’ve heard these comments directed at my friends before, and they have made me less confident about openly stating my sexual orientation.
To dispel another myth: Yes, you can still be bisexual if you’re in an opposite-sex relationship. This fact really seems to confuse people, including CNN’s Larry King, who completely botched the subject of bisexuality in an interview with actress Anna Paquin.
Consider this metaphor: Many people like both chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Just because you’re eating chocolate right now doesn’t mean you suddenly don’t like vanilla anymore.
Sometimes — but not always — you’re even in the mood for a sundae with a bit of both flavors.
Unfortunately, people are much more complicated than ice cream flavors. If they weren’t, maybe we wouldn’t have such a problem with biphobia or bi-erasure.
If so, I wouldn’t hear girls say, "Well I’m totally straight, but, like, I really want to hook up with a girl."
We wouldn’t call Piper Chapman from "Orange is the New Black" a lesbian who turned straight when she dated Larry, or a straight girl who turned gay when she hooked up with Alex.
Someone who is bisexual may not necessarily like both genders equally. A bisexual female can prefer having sex with ladies while still experiencing attraction toward men. You can also be bisexual even if you’ve only had sexual experience with one gender.
It’s important for bisexual people, if they feel safe and comfortable doing so, to come out. It’s affirming, and it shows others that it’s OK to come out too.
If we acknowledge that bisexuality is a real identity — not just indecision, or something done for attention — we’ll make it a little safer and more comfortable for people to identify as such.
So maybe it’s time for me to stop being scared of my own identity and own up to being bisexual. Maybe that’ll encourage others to be true to themselves too.
And anyway, don’t they say two is better than one?
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism junior. Her columns appear on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 1 on 9/27/2014]
