Well, Gator fans, it’s finally here.
Gameday.
The Idaho Vandals come to the Swamp for the 2014 season opener with the intent to sabotage the Gators’ quest to move on from a 4-8 season that you all more than likely want to forget.
And with the start of a new football season comes another round of the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column, where picking against the spread is anything but a sure thing.
Debating the game of the week — No. 14 Wisconsin versus No. 13 LSU in Houston — are alligatorSports Editor Jordan McPherson and staff writer Jonathan Czupryn.
Wisconsin (-5) will play spoiler to LSU on Saturday because…
Wisconsin returns its top playmaker on offense in running back Melvin Gordon as well as four of its starters on the offensive line. The Badgers will have no problem running the ball down the throat of a Tigers defense that lost half its starters from 2013. Plus, if LSU was actually serious about winning football games, they’d pick a mascot that wasn’t already used by real teams like Clemson, Missouri and Savannah State.
-Jordan McPherson
LSU (+5) will rob Wisconsin of an opening day win because . . .
We all know the adage, “If you have two quarterbacks, you have none.” And, well, LSU has none. But who cares? Les “The Mad Hatter” Miles has brought on college football’s next godsend, it’s next savior and it’s next Adrian Peterson. Although he’s not even starting at running back (watch out Terrence Magee), freshman phenom Leonard Fournette will get some snaps against the Badgers and he will show the world that this hype is no joke. When your own coach compares you to Michael Jordan before the first game of the year, you know you’re going to be special.
-Jonathan Czupryn
Now on to the picks!
Fresh on the Picks Column is alligatorSports editor Jordan “Wait, I can drive now?” McPherson, who STILL hasn’t passed his driving test to earn his license. Hey Jordan? You know the alligatorSports crew is going on five road trips this fall right? Nice try, but license or not, you’re getting behind the wheel so the rest of us can get some sleep. Ten and two man, ten and two.
Also making her Picks Column debut is Morgan “Is she qualified to do this?” Moriarty, who was questioned on Twitter about her knowledge — or lack thereof — of college football. I know you’re doubting it now, Morgan, but everyone needs to come to terms with their downfalls at some point.
Replacing Bryan Holt as a guest picker from Insidethegators.com is Landon “Do you even lift bro” Watnick, who was specifically called out by the Gators’ Dante Fowler, Jr. The 6’3, 260-pound Buck linebacker said any one of the UF beat reporters would be killed going up against Florida’s offensive line, and then Fowler promptly turned and pointed to Landon saying, “Especially you.” C’mon dude, Southwest Rec isn’t that far away. It’s time to bulk up.
Another fresh face on the Picks Column is alligatorSports staff writer Jonathan “Johnathan Cyprien” Czupryn, whose name so closely resembles that of the second-year Jacksonville Jaguars safety that AP writer Mark Long confuses the two on a daily basis. “Zoop” has run its course — we’ve got a new nickname for you this year, bud.
Beginning his second year on the beat but first on the Picks column is alligatorSports.org editor Richard “We strong then” Johnson, who casually sauntered into the office with a Tupperware container chalk full of crab legs over the summer. Your boy Jameis Winston won a national title before earning the right to take his crab legs wherever he wanted. Sorry Richard, you haven’t quite made it to the point where you can crack shells and make a mess wherever you damn well please. Try a sandwich next time.
Heading into his third year with the Picks Column is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “Don’t go into details” Thompson, who told Ahmad Fulwood that he probably wouldn’t understand it if the wide receiver explained some of the offense’s variations. It’s alright, Edgar. At least you’ve got your golf swing.
Returning once again to the Picks Column is Thomas “Why am I doing this again?” Goldkamp of 247Sports.com, who constantly steps up in the clutch by dividing, assigning and sending out the transcriptions during media availability. No insult here, just keep up the good work. We all know how lazy sports reporters can be so thanks for making our jobs a little easier. No idea why you keep being “that guy,” but please don’t stop being “that guy.”
And finally, we have first-time picks columnist Nick “Never bet against the ‘OR’” de la Torre, who confidently bet Richard Johnson a 4 Rivers dinner platter that the word “or” would appear fewer than 5.5 times on Florida’s depth chart. Nick, we hope Gator Country gave you a bonus this year because Richard isn’t going to go light on the barbequed meats. Who would have thought a position battle at kicker, punter and punt returner would have cost you so dearly? Eat up Richard! '
Follow Jordan Mcpherson on Twitter at @J_Mcpherson1126, follow Jonathan Czupryn on Twitter at @Jczupryn
