About a month ago, Vice published a quiz to test its readers — "Can you tell which of these porn star orgasms are fake?"
Apparently, I can’t.
But the quiz brought up some good points. First, I’m glad my apartment walls are so thick. Second, faking orgasms is pretty common — and also undetectable enough that I couldn’t tell the real moans from the fake ones.
Here’s the thing, though: An actual orgasm is more likely to be quiet than to be riddled with moans and "f**k yes’", according to sex educator Laci Green’s YouTube video about faking orgasms.
In fact, vocalization is often not because of excitement at all. A 2010 study done by Gayle Brewer and Colin Hendrie showed that more than 25 percent of women routinely used vocalization — moaning, screaming, yelling "harder" — to fake orgasm.
If you want to get real technical, it makes sense that women would turn to screaming to prove an orgasm more than men, who statistically don’t fake orgasms as often, would.
Men ejaculate during orgasm. But it’s a little harder to tell when a woman comes, which is why they often rely on sounding like the unedited version of "Hey Baby," by Deadmau5 to convey their pleasure.
That’s fine, as long as you’re moaning "Don’t stop" because you actually don’t want your partner to stop.
But if your cries of "Don’t stop" really mean "It’s been a long time, and my leg is cramping, so hopefully my sexy moaning will make you come, and then we can watch reruns of ‘Friends,’" you’re not doing yourself, or your partner, any favors.
Using vocalization to fake orgasm, or just faking an orgasm through any means, gives your partner false positive reinforcement.
You’re communicating that what they are doing is pleasurable — even if it might not be.
I totally get it. Sometimes you’re distracted, and even if sex feels great, you know you’re not going to come. Sometimes you’re tired and don’t want to keep having sex.
This is actually a fairly common phenomenon, according to Women’s Health Magazine, which identified this as one of the six different reasons why women fake orgasms.
Other reasons include wanting to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings and feeling insecure about not having an orgasm.
Pretending to have an orgasm seems like the less awkward route compared to saying, "Hey, thanks so much for trying to get me off, but it’s just not working out. Good try though, champ. You’ll get it next time."
Maybe that’s not the right thing to say either, but my point is that you should be saying something — not just moaning it.
When you moan and scream and pretend to come, your partner gets the message, "What I’m doing is good, they like this, and I’m going to continue to do this because it seems to be getting them off."
It’s more productive in the long run if you use your words (or even physical actions) to communicate how you’re feeling.
If your partner just isn’t hitting the right spot, move your partner’s hand to a better position, or show what would feel better.
If the issue is that you’re just not feeling like you can reach orgasm that night, it’s just as easy as faking it to say, "What you’re doing feels so good, but I don’t think it’s going to happen right now," and focus on your partner’s pleasure instead.
Don’t be afraid to start a dialogue with your partner. It can be nerve-wracking to tell them that they’re not getting you off, but they should want you to feel good.
Start by telling them what they’re already doing well, and then give them suggestions on what you would like more of. This is a more constructive way of talking about such a sensitive subject, plus it’s a lot nicer than saying, "Dude, you suck at sex, and I’ve been faking it this whole time."
Moral of the story: It’s OK to sound like a porn star when you have sex — provided your walls are thick — but be careful not to put on a show.
Faking it distracts from the opportunity to work with your partner toward having an earth-shattering, porn-worthy orgasm every time — and that’s something you deserve.
[Robyn Smith is a UF journalism junior. Her columns appear on Tuesdays. A version of this column ran on pages 7 on 8/5/2014 under the headline "Faking an orgasm is preventing the avenue to real pleasure"]