Sexual assault is the hot topic in the news lately, with more than 70 colleges under investigation for the handling of sexual assaults and a proposal for nail polish that detects date-rape drugs.
While it’s great that such an important topic is being brought to light, we’re focusing on the wrong thing.
Instead of making victims responsible for preventing assault or instead of handling assaults after the fact, let’s focus on the standard for responsible and consensual sex.
Legal sex requires consent, according to chapter 794.011 of the Florida State Statute. UF’s policy on sexual assault is in concurrence with state law: It’s sexual assault if you’re engaging in sexual activity without consent.
Consent can be a verbal “yes.” It can be nonverbal too, like enthusiastic reciprocation of sexual touching.
The absence of a “no” does not equal consent. And, according to the UF Police Department, consent is not the “inability to make decisions due to intoxication by any substance.”
Here’s the thing: You can’t legally consent to sex if you are intoxicated above the legal limit. This makes sense—when you’re drunk, your faculties are lowered, and you’re more vulnerable.
Alcohol is actually the most common drug used in sexual assaults. According to GatorWell, more than 50 percent of sexual assaults involve alcohol use.
But we’re in college. We go to the No. 10 party school as ranked by The Princeton Review, so we’re constantly surrounded by alcohol.
Honestly, on any given night of the week—and sometimes days, too—there’s a solid chance that I’m not sober.
So how do you balance legal consent, which is absolutely necessary for any sexual conduct, with your Midtown barhopping?
It would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to have sex when drunk. I’ve done it. I’ve enjoyed it, and I’ve been extremely aware of what I was doing and whom I was doing it with.
It would be naive for anyone to expect college students not to have drunk sex.
So instead, let’s have a crash course on safe, responsible, drunk sex.
This should go without saying, but make sure the person is conscious.
He or she should be alert and should still be able to hold a conversation.
Don’t have sex if your partner is blacked out drunk and will not remember it later.
Make sure that your intended partner knows and recognizes you and is aware of his or her surroundings.
Avoid any sexual activity if they are slurring their words, if they can’t walk on their own, or if they don’t know where they are or what they are doing.
Don’t engage in any sexual acts that your partner has previously said “no” to.
While prior consent does not mean the person consents to sexual activity later, you might want to soberly discuss what is on- and off-limits when you’re engaging in drunk sex, especially with a new partner.
If you’re ever unsure of whether to initiate sexual activity, don’t. If you think your partner might regret having sex when they sober up, then don’t have sex.
Drunk sex can be fun, but only if all parties are still conscious in their decision to be having sex. If the presence of consent is ever questionable, it’s better to be safe than sorry and to put off sex for now.
And if you do decide that you’re too drunk to have safe and responsible sex, you can always wait until the next morning for some action, anyway. Morning sex is great, and getting enthusiastic, sober consent from your partner is even better.
Robyn Smith is a UF journalism junior. Her columns appear on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 7 on 8/29/2014 under the headline "Drunk sex: all about safety, prior conversation and consent"]
