Modern dating, playing it cool and the Mr. Darcy mentality

Listicles on this topic are circulating on my social media pages lately from sources we’ve all come to know and have love-hate relationships with: Thought Catalog, the Huffington Post and BuzzFeed. They’re not about graduating seniors or cats but rather another popular college-student topic — modern dating.

Without fail, one of the top perils of modern dating listed is one of my biggest pet peeves, not just in relationships, but in life. It’s that the person who is least invested or enthusiastic is the one who is considered “winning” or having all of the power.

This is the person who texts “hey” purposely lowercase with no punctuation.

They never use exclamation points or emoticons because that would make it seem as if they care, and they respond to texts and Facebook messages hours or days later.

And this attitude doesn’t just exist in the dating world; it transcends to everyday life. They even have descriptors like “hard to get,” “playing it cool” and “dark and mysterious.” They are the modern Mr. Darcy, and you know what? I hated that character.

I don’t have time for people who are aloof. It’s not as if you’re going to convince anyone that you’re less human than the rest of us or that you are so above being a homo sapien that you aren’t a runny mess when you get the flu or that you aren’t helpless and sick when you drink too much or that you won’t have trouble walking and eating when you get old. I think people censor themselves too much to seem a certain way, and that is not just a “modern dating” problem.

I really believe the world would be a better place if everyone were more vulnerable because vulnerability is honesty. If you’re not showing emotion and are editing yourself to fit into some “norm” that doesn’t exist, I’m just going to become suspicious that you are a cyborg trying to blend in like in “Battlestar Galactica,” and I’m going to get as far away from you as possible.

Life is too short to act as if you are not in pain or not excited for a date or not scared of death or not tearing up over that cat video. If someone texts me, I’m not going to wait an “appropriate length” of time to seem disinterested or too busy to respond if I’m just doing laundry and watching “Parks and Recreation.” I will respond within 30 seconds if I want to. Oh, the faux pas! And if I meet someone cool in one of my classes, I’m going to tell them, “Hey, I think you’re really neat, and we should totally be friends. Let’s exchange numbers.”

I’m not going to wait around all semester worrying about how awkward and geeky that would be and miss out on a potential friendship. I’m not going to stop myself from complimenting someone, liking a photo or commenting on a status because I’m overanalyzing how that would make me look in a situation.

I’m quirky, and I have lots of flaws, feelings, opinions and issues, and if you pretend that you don’t, I don’t trust you. So stop trying to act cool; I’m not buying anything that comes with a Mr. Darcy attitude.

[Lauren Adamson is a UF journalism junior. Her columns appear on Tuesdays. A version of this column ran on page 7 on 4/15/2014 under the headline "Modern dating, playing it cool and the Mr. Darcy mentality"]