Is it just us, or was this week not totally hellish? Most of us are in that comfortable lull between midterms and finals, the weather is gorgeous, and McDonald's will be giving away coffee for the next two weeks.
On that note, here it is: Your get-your-free-coffee-while-it-lasts edition of...
Darts & Laurels
A report published on AlterNet this week found that NFL cheerleaders have fewer labor rights than exotic dancers. The depressing article makes us wonder why anyone would choose a career in professional cheerleading: Their handbooks are borderline draconian, all their rehearsal hours are unpaid, and their total seasonal revenue amounts to less than $5 per hour — in fact, the NFL mascots have higher salaries than NFL cheerleaders. The U.S. Labor Department labels cheerleaders “seasonal amusement.”
Um, what the actual f**k? By that logic, aren’t all athletes “seasonal amusement”? Most NFL cheerleaders, AlterNet stated, are trained dancers holding down college degrees and second jobs in order to be cheerleaders. A we-call-bulls**t-on-the-”cheerleading-isn’t-a-sport”-argument DART to the NFL for exploiting one of its biggest revenue drivers — women who kick ass and look great in thigh-high boots while doing so.
As if we needed another reminder of FSU’s inferiority, take a look at its much-talked-about alleged new logo. We realize some of our readers may not have seen it, so allow us to paint a picture: Envision a Seminole Indian scribbled on a Post-It note by the Archie Comics illustrators. Imagine the Seminole’s head thrown back in either a ferocious war cry or a mid-sneeze orgasm. The leaked logo has inspired vitriol among FSU students and alumni, who went so far as to start online petitions to keep the old logo. Why all the hate? We think the logo perfectly encapsulates the one university in the country where a student can get college credit for being a clown. A don’t-ever-change LAUREL goes to the leaked, cartoonish FSU logo.
In Gainesville, we love our craft beer. In fact, craft breweries are having a moment right now — so much so that larger beer distributors are taking notice, and they’re not happy about it.
Craft brewers in Florida are currently facing a battle in the legislature, as a bill pending in the Florida Senate would stipulate that craft brewers sell their bottles and canned beer directly to a distributor, according to Reuters.
While other states nurture craft breweries, brewers in Florida say the environment for independent beer operations is hostile and dominated by politically influential national distributors seeking to suppress small breweries. This week, we’re tossing a Big-Nose-IPA-before-Natty-Light DART to champions of the anti-craft-brew bill.
The biggest pat on the back of the year goes to our men’s basketball team and Billy Donovan. Seriously, we’re beyond excited for Saturday. Enjoy your time in the limelight, boys, and keep doing us proud.
For all their hard work, we’re giving a dem-muscles-doe LAUREL to the Gators basketball team. Good luck in Arlington!
Go Gators!
[A version of this editorial ran on page 6 on 4/4/2014 under the headline "Darts & Laurels"]
