Swamp of Love: Flirty vs. friendly

I know I’m not the only who has been in a situation where intentions are misunderstood. In today’s society, 20-somethings talk in a vague sense and beat around the bush. Wouldn’t it be easier if we just said what we wanted?

“I want to go on a date with you.”

“I want to be just friends.”

“I want to hit it and quit it.”

However, this is would make things way too simple.

So where do we draw the line? If intentions aren’t going to be explicitly stated, how do we tell when someone is trying to hit on us versus when they’re just being friendly? I myself am one of those people who can never tell the difference, so a clearly drawn line would be nice.

A sign that gets commonly mistaken is laughing at a joke. Someone says something funny; you laugh and then smile. This can be understood as flirting with someone. The touch on the arm; the cute, little laugh; the “Oh my gosh, you’re so funny!” But sometimes a laugh is just a laugh. Some people, like myself, laugh at pretty much everything and can be accused of flirting with someone when we’re only laughing at the joke.

Generally, when someone is spending a lot of time with you, talking, smiling and leaning into your every word, you would expect it to be flirting. All you need is a big neon sign above you that says, “Kiss me, stupid!” But then, the next thing you know, they’re locking lips with another person. I can’t be the only one who gets confused by this.

The only way that I can figure it is this: It’s college. This is the time in our lives to figure out what we want out of life and who we want to be a part of it. The time to figure out your “type” of person is.  Maybe you don’t want anything serious but some flirty fun. Maybe you’re looking for your life partner. Or maybe you would like to meet new friends to spend time with.

Whatever the case may be, it’s hard to explicitly state what your intent is within the first minute of meeting somebody. And, in many cases, it’s considered rude to be blunt. So where does that leave us? Stuck in the crossroads between flirty and friendly.

I guess there is no real way to tell when someone is flirting with you versus when they’re trying to be nice. It varies from situation to situation. You could be like me and accidently seem flirty with people when you mean to be friendly. Or you could be like my friend who tries so hard to flirt with people but nobody picks up his signals.

We can sit here and analyze signs and situations all day, but the bottom line is there is no real formula for figuring these things out. The only thing to do is to wait and see how the situation progresses. It’s up to you to read what the other person’s body language is trying to tell you. The only thing you really can do is have fun with it. Whether you mean to be flirty or friendly, it’s all about meeting new people and having new stories to tell.