I was eavesdropping in the hair salon the other day because, really, what else am I going to do when I can’t move my head, leave my chair or watch videos on my phone without feeling self-conscious?
So I listened and watched in astonishment through the reflection of the station’s mirror as a hairdresser asked a lady if she was pregnant. My stomach lurched as I waited for her answer, silently hoping, “Please let her be; please let her be.”
But my stomach fell when her answer was, in fact, “No.” I thought asking a woman when she is due was a common social faux pas brought up enough in the media and movies that people knew better than to ask, but apparently not.
I felt so bad for that woman in the salon because even if she didn’t show that she was fazed, her feelings may have been hurt, and her day may have been ruined. Even if you are 99-percent certain a woman is expecting, it is not worth the 1 percent of uncertainty to risk hurting her self-esteem.
This brief social observation made me think of other questions people often ask that they shouldn’t.
1. Are you pregnant? When are you due? Are you expecting?
2. Have you gained weight?
This I mention for similar reasons as the pregnancy one. It is never necessary to comment on someone’s body or physical appearance. Even if you follow up the question with, “You look much better now — more healthy and shapely,” or, “It looks good on you,” it is still not OK. Maybe the person hasn’t gained weight, maybe it doesn’t matter whether you approve of the weight gain, and maybe the person is insecure about his or her body and doesn’t want to discuss it.
Maybe it is none of your business.
3. Are you PMSing?
I don’t understand the goal of this question, unless it is to irritate the person whom you are asking. First of all, if she’s not, you are belittling her feelings and reducing them to a stereotype. Second, if she is on her period, her feelings are still valid.
Third, it is none of your business.
4. So, when are you having children? How many children do you want? Are you and so-and-so trying to have a baby?
This question is offensive because not all women want children. By assuming she wants children, you are reducing her role in life as a woman to a biological function. Pregnancy is not an inevitable path for all women; it is a choice. Second, she may want children and be physically unable to have them, and you are reminding her of that.
Third, it is none of your business.
5. Are you sick? Are you tired? Did you have a bad night?
I often get this question when I’m not wearing makeup. And most of the time, I am neither sick nor tired; I’m just not wearing mascara. So by asking people this question, you are telling them their natural appearances aren’t satisfactory and they need to use superficial means to follow your standards. Second, maybe the person is not feeling well and doesn’t want to talk about it.
Third, maybe people don’t have to explain themselves to you because it’s none of your business.
6. Are those real?
Yes, maybe she was born with them, or maybe they’re artificial enhancements. Either way, it is inappropriate for you to be asking.
7. Is that a real (insert designer label)?
Maybe I spent thousands of dollars on a Chanel handbag, or maybe I took a trip to Canal Street. Either way, if you can’t tell the difference, don’t expect me to clarify it for you. Perhaps the person bought a knockoff because she could not afford the real thing but wants to look as if she can, so by asking this question, you may end up embarrassing her. Also, maybe the person’s handbag is real and now she feels guilty or ashamed for having spent so much money on an item and feels like you are judging her.
Last of all, it’s none of your business.
[Lauren Adamson is a UF journalism junior. Her column appears on Tuesdays. A version of this column ran on page 7 on 3/11/2014 under the headline "It’s none of your business: questions that we’re sick of"]
