A guide to relationships in the Facebook age

If you’re anything like me, a lot goes through your head when things start to get serious with the person you’re seeing.

“Will so-and-so look at me the same way upon seeing me right after I’ve chugged five cups of black coffee?” “How would my mother react to the way we settle even the most serious discussions by declaring a thumb war?” But most importantly, “When should we be FBO?” — Facebook official, that is.

OK, the answer to that last question for me is always “never” because I’m a firm believer in significant privacy as a major factor of success when it comes to relationships, but enough about me.

Everyone’s different, and in the digital age, the question of whether to broadcast your relationship status to your social media following is a relevant one. Rather than try to convince you of what you should and shouldn’t do, I’m happy to walk you through deciding if declaring your commitment to your significant other on the World Wide Web is for you.

First things first: Have you discussed your relationship status with your significant other? And by discuss, I mean have you actually had a talk where both of you agree on what you are? This could vary from passing a note that reads, “Are you my BF or GF? Circle yes or no.” Or straight up asking, “Are we a couple?” — for those of you who are better than I am at having difficult conversations.

If you’re contemplating telling the Internet you’re taken, make sure you and your person are on the same page about your relationship with each other.

Reactions to surprises that come in the form of Facebook relationship requests are best left unexplored.

Now that that’s out of the way, think about the people whose opinions you value. Do you care if your mom knows you’re seeing someone? Would she be hurt if you didn’t tell her first?

If the answer to either of these is yes, make a phone call. Tell your mom how happy you are that John Smith asked you to be his girlfriend — or maybe you asked him, hooray for the modern couple that could not care less about gender norms — and go ahead and make that status known. Cue the likes.

Now let’s consider a few other scenarios.

What if you have a boo thang and you both enjoy spending as much time together as you possibly can without making each other sick? You guys had the same locker combination in the 10th grade when you didn’t even know each other, and Oh. My. God. “Have you seen the desserts in the Grand Budapest Hotel?” you once started to ask each other at the same time.

You even agree that relationship titles aren’t important. Well, then you probably haven’t made it this far down the page, and you guessed it, no need to express a relationship status on social media. The people who matter — aka you and your boo thang — know what’s up, and that’s what’s important.

What do you do if you’re seeing someone you’re really into, and things are going well, but one day before you’re ready, someone brings up the conversation about defining your relationship? The way to handle this sort of dilemma would be to avoid the person you’re seeing. Avoid eye contact. Avoid conversation.

OK, that’s probably not the best approach. In fact, it’s probably the worst. But hey, there will be times in your life where you’ll want to tell everyone how happy you are to be with whomever you’re seeing, and there will be other times when it’ll be enough for only you to know you’re happy regardless of whether you’re “in a relationship,” “single” or “it’s complicated.”

As for me, I maintain that if I ever find the person who convinces me “in a relationship” is a status I should have on Facebook, then I’ll know it’s meant to be.

[Marjorie Nunez is a UF journalism senior. Her columns appear on Fridays. A version of this column ran on page 7 on 3/21/2014 under the headline "A guide to relationships in the Facebook age"]