Men are bad at sex. At least that’s what a recent article published on Cosmopolitan magazine’s website suggests.
I hate to break it to all you gentlemen out there, but I found myself nodding along to everything the author said. When he said, “Any guy who puts forth the care and effort to bring a woman to orgasm is basically considered a unicorn,” I literally laughed out loud.
It’s true. As much as we hate to admit it — or even talk about it in general — it’s a lot more likely the man will orgasm and the woman to be left unsatisfied.
I went downtown the other night and was talking to a guy who said that maybe this was just because I hadn’t found the right person. Sure, this is possible. But I hear complaints from my friends all the time that they had disappointing nights or their significant other could not make them come.
Why is that? The Cosmo article suggests “men don’t care enough about pleasing their partners.”
This makes sense because women are so much harder to please than men. Brown University says that on average, it takes women 10 to 20 minutes to reach orgasm. Men usually come after two to three minutes of intercourse.
How unfair.
I’m putting my foot down, though. The bad sex needs to stop.
I’m not trying to put the blame solely on you, gentlemen. A lot of the problem comes from couples not communicating well.
This will probably be printed on my tombstone, I say it that much — good sex comes from good communication.
Once, a guy told me to give him feedback on everything he was doing. He didn’t have much experience and wanted to make sure everything was OK. When he said this, my face looked exactly like the heart-eyes emoji, or so I’m guessing.
What was so great about the guy? He wanted to know what I liked, what I disliked and what he should do to make sure I had a great night.
Everyone who has sex should adopt this attitude and strategy.
Being in college, where casual sex is common, doesn’t help. Figuring out what gets your partner off takes time. The 30-minute pump-and-dump that takes place after 2 a.m.? Well, that’s just not enough time for someone to realize it takes exactly six minutes of oral and then intercourse at a 74-degree angle for you to come.
On that note, gentlemen, stop doing the same moves over and over. Vaginas — or any body part for that matter — are special snowflakes. What worked for your high-school girlfriend one time isn’t guaranteed to work for that girl you brought home from the bar.
I think a lot of the problem also stems from male cockiness. If you think you are God’s greatest gift to the vagina, stop. Do not pass “Go”; do not collect $200.
If you say things like “I’m going to make you come until you scream,” or “This will be the best sex you’ve ever had,” please stop. Dirty talk is great, but this is just setting yourself up for failure.
After all this disappointing news, I’m sure you want to hear something good. Orgasm is not necessarily the endgame of every sexcapade. Sure, it would be great to come every time, but sex is still fun without it.
Eventually though, you’ll want to orgasm. The great thing about this problem is that somewhere out there, there is a man or woman who can give you the best orgasm of your life.
And hey, how great is it that you might need to have a lot of sex to find that person?
[Robyn Smith is a UF journalism sophomore. Her columns appear on Mondays. A version of this column ran on page 7 on 2/17/2014 under the headline "Here’s the hard truth: Men are bad at sex"]
