Temperatures have dropped and so have our pants, apparently. With the cold weather, one method of staying warm has increased: masturbation.
Pornhub released statistics regarding pornography consumption and the Polar Vortex from earlier this month. Compared to normal averages, website traffic increased by 37.2 percent in Florida during the Vortex.
Pornography consumers in Florida also visited more than double the amount of Pornhub pages than any other state, topping the chart with 28.4 percent more time on the site than normal averages compared to the runner-up Georgia’s 11.6 percent increase.
Even though our weather has been nowhere near as cold as the Northeast, we Floridians use any excuse to stay in and watch some strangers have sex. Stay classy, guys.
Although pornography and masturbation do not always go hand in hand — or should I say hand in pants — there is definitely a correlation between them.
Let’s be real: I’m sure you don’t actually want to get all bundled up and leave your apartment or dorm room. And why leave the comfort of your bed, couch or shower — I’m not judging — when you could just stay there and entertain yourself?
In addition to being, well, fun, masturbation is great for your health.
According to Men’s Health, masturbation keeps your blood pressure, reproductive system and brain in tip-top shape.
Specific to you gentlemen, masturbating can help you last longer. So, when you’re doing the real deal, you won’t finish before your partner has his or her fun.
If classes are bringing you down, having an orgasm is a great de-stresser. When you’re feeling overwhelmed with homework or exams, just take a masturbation break. But please, just don’t do that during the actual exam.
Masturbating is also a great sleep aid. If you have an early class but aren’t tired, jack your way off to sleep.
Don’t think masturbating is just a solo act, either. One of the best benefits is how close it can bring you to your partner.
Masturbating with one another is a great way to share what gets you off because you can see exactly how and where your partner likes to be touched.
Planned Parenthood’s website says mutual masturbation is a “safe way to explore sexual activity with another person with no risk for pregnancy or STDs.” It’s also a great form of intimacy if you and your partner aren’t ready for actual intercourse yet.
Even when you are alone, masturbating is a big help to your sex life. When you become more comfortable with what turns you on, you’re more comfortable telling that to your partner so they can help get you off.
Masturbating is a totally normal part of life and of your sexuality. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
However, we are in college, so please try to keep it to yourself. Dorm rooms are small and no one wants to be kept up by the sound of his or her roommate’s under-the-sheets action.
Also, try to avoid taking matters into your own hands in the communal showers. Come on guys, other people go in there to get clean.
Aside from those warnings, make a day of it. Light some candles. Put on your favorite dirty video or some good music — my short list is anything off the latest Arctic Monkeys album or by The Weeknd. Invite over a significant other; or don’t.
Call in sick to work or class and spend the day warming yourself up with your hand in your pants. After all, it’s Florida — we only have a few cold days left.
[Robyn Smith is a UF journalism sophomore. Her columns appear on Mondays. A version of this column ran on page 6 on 1/27/2014 under the headline "Temps decrease, masturbation increases"]
