Poor Ryan Lochte can’t catch a break — he’s forever in Michael Phelps’ shadow, his acting career was short-lived with just a guest part on “90210” and a few “Funny or Die” videos, people only cared about his reality show for about five minutes, and the shoes he designed for Nike are hopelessly ugly.
Now, the swimmer and Gator alumnus will be taking a break from swimming as he recovers from a torn MCL and sprained ACL after a “freak injury caused by an unexpected fan encounter,” USA Today reported Tuesday.
According to a statement from his publicist, “Ryan ... will be taking a break from training and competition. His medical team expects him to make a full and speedy recovery and Ryan thanks everyone for their well wishes.”
The fan reportedly saw Lochte and — rather than spending 10 minutes debating with her friends, finally working up the nerve, slinking over to him and nervously asking for his autograph like a normal person — ran at him. Lochte caught her, but the impact caused him to fall and bang his leg against a street curb. The girl was unharmed.
We have many concerns over the state of Lochte’s toned, carved-from-marble legs. How will this injury affect his ability to “turn it up”? Will the lack of a constant endorphin rush cause him to “jeah” less and less, until he’s nothing more than a hollow shell of a man?
Our only hope is that Lochte will use this downtime to continue churning out quality tweets. Lochte has, arguably, one of the most iconic Twitter presences of the athletic world.
Some of our favorites:
“Always reach for the moon cuz if u slip up u will still be a star!! #Jeah”
“Rocks, paper, siccor.......”
“Wake up and smell the gardens”
But we’re still so worried! How badly will this set him back during his training for the 2016 Olympics in Rio? Will this forced hiatus affect the production and sales of his Pool Water line of fragrances for men? Will Fat Daddy’s revenue plummet with the loss of Lochte’s business now that he’s an invalid?
Only time — and Lochte, via succinct and grammatically questionable tweets — will tell.
We’re confident that Lochte, being the misunderstood intellectual he is, will make good use of his free time.
Maybe he’ll get the chance to revive his acting career — on the big screen, this time. He has the kind of all-American, corn-fed, vacant hotness that cries out for a role as the vanilla love interest in a Nicholas Sparks film adaptation.
We can see it now: As his equally vanilla female co-star leans over his hospital bed with tears in her eyes, he flips a sideways peace sign, grins and says, “This cancer diagnosis can’t turn down my swag, #jeah.”
On the serious, we love Ryan Lochte — completely unironically. He’s a Gainesville icon, and we wish him a speedy and painless recovery.
A version of this editorial ran on page 6 on 11/6/2013 under the headline "This is why we can’t have nice things: Lochte injured by fan"
