Before every game, Jillian Graff writes four letters on her wrist.
FLHD: Fight Like He Did.
The phrase has been Graff’s motto for more than a year — ever since her father died.
“It’s just kind of like a reminder of him,” Graff said.
“Whenever I see that and tell myself that, it kind of lights something up in me that’s just like, ‘All right, I’m going to do this,’ for not only my team or for myself, but for him. I want him to always be proud of what I do.”
She never expected her father’s death to come so quickly.
After years of health complications that resulted in a heart transplant for sarcoidosis — an inflammatory disease that caused scar tissue to build on his heart — and consistent radiation treatment for prostate cancer, her father died of lung cancer last year.
According to the American Lung Association’s website, lung cancer is the leading cancer killer in both men and women in the U.S. About 160,340 Americans were estimated to die from lung cancer in 2012.
More than half of people diagnosed with lung cancer die within a year of the their diagnosis.
John Graff had two weeks.
He was diagnosed with Stage IV small cell lung cancer in June of 2012 at the age of 62. He never smoked a day in his life.
“It was during that time where you could just see each day was kind of a struggle for him,” Graff said.
“It’s a lot of emotions going through you. It’s a weird situation because the last thing you want to do is see a loved one get weaker pretty much each day and see them heading towards the end of the tunnel, but at the same time you don’t want to be anywhere else.
“You just want to spend those last moments with them, even though it is hard.”
Taking the time to embrace every memory, thought and feeling with her father was something Jillian’s mother, Carole Nowak, strongly suggested.
Nowak, a breast cancer survivor, said she felt guilty for not reminding her parents frequently how much she appreciated them before they died. She did not want Graff to live with the same regret.
“I encouraged Jillian to take some private time with her father to hold his hand and tell him all the things she wanted him to know before his death,” Nowak said.
“I really think it helped her after his passing to know that she got a chance to express all her feelings and thoughts to her dad.”
Graff was the embodiment of her father: soft spoken, calm and always smiling.
But it was seeing those same qualities in her father during those final two weeks that made saying goodbye more meaningful.
“He was my biggest supporter,” Graff said.
“He just always thought I was the greatest thing in the world. He loved going to my soccer games. If he couldn’t make it, he felt so bad and was so upset over not being able to go.”
That support continued when Graff made her freshman debut as a forward for the Gators in 2011.
When Florida faced Alabama at James G. Pressly Stadium on Oct. 9, 2011, Graff took control of the field after only eight minutes of playing time. She chipped the ball over Alabama goalkeeper Justine Bernier to score the game-winning goal in the 71st minute. It was her first collegiate goal.
“I was probably the happiest person on the field when that happened,” Graff said.
Her father was so ecstatic he showed it to anyone and everyone in their hometown of Medina, Ohio.
“My dad actually took the recording of that game and put it on iTunes, so whenever people would come over he would always play it,” she said.
Graff finished her first season with two goals and two assists.
When her father died just weeks before her sophomore season began, Graff was shaken.
“It was hard because it was so recent, at first,” she said.
“When you’re playing and you get frustrated, there’s so much emotions that kind of all builds up and sometimes you just want to break down and cry. The team was definitely there, and they all supported me through it.
“They helped me through the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.”
Then-sophomore goalkeeper Taylor Burke was one of her teammates ready to lend a shoulder for support.
Burke and Graff grew up together, played high school soccer together and were recruited by Florida at the same time.
“We always let her know that if she ever needed anything, that anyone and everyone on the team was there,” Burke said. “She didn’t necessarily have to take us up on that, but just the fact that she knew we were all there for her was something that made it easier for her.”
Graff added: “Having [Burke] here is very comforting. It’s like a piece of home coming with me.”
When Graff came to Florida, she knew it was a tight-knit program. What she did not know was it would become a saving grace for her during the 2012 season.
“It definitely makes the days go by a lot better when you know can go to practice and you’re going to walk into a family environment,” she said. “That’s an important part of what being a team is.”
Graff scored three goals in 2012 while playing 395 minutes.
Her junior year brought more competition to the forward position, as Top Drawer Soccer’s No. 13 forward Savannah Jordan committed to UF.
Jordan has since assumed the starting role, scoring 21 goals through 20 games.
“I do want to play, but there is no way I’d want to step on the field when she’s scoring all those goals,” Graff said. “I understand my role that I’m going to be coming off the bench for someone, so when I do go in, I try to make the best of it and live in the moment.”
Graff has scored two goals this season.
She said she stays positive and strong by reminding herself how hard her father fought throughout the remainder of his life and uses that as motivation.
“He had a quote he always went by: ‘It matters not how long the star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of its light,’” Graff said. “It doesn’t matter how long you live as long as you enjoy the life that you get to live.”
That’s something she continues to live by.
Follow Michelle Provenzano on Twitter @mmprovenzano.
Jillian Graff dribbles the ball during Florida’s 3-0 victory against Auburn on Oct. 6 at James G. Pressly Stadium. The junior lost her father to lung cancer in 2012 but fights on in his memory.
