The U.S. government may be shut down, but we here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column are still going strong. Unlike Congress, we don’t act like a bunch of petulant children when we disagree on issues — like picking college football games against the spread!
That’s just how American we are. ‘Merican? ‘Murkan. God bless this country. Forgive us for keeping this week’s alligatorSports Brand Picks Column brief, but us ‘Murkans want to catch some of America’s pastime — baseball — before ‘Murka’s pastime — football — gets here.
This week’s matchup features two guys in Florida, Joe Morgan and Adam Lichtenstein, debating the Stanford-Washington game. ‘Murka. From sea to shining sea!
The Cardinal (-7) will leave the Huskies red, white and bruised because...
The unofficial mascot is a tree. More specifically, the unofficial mascot is the El Palo Alto, a coast redwood tree that reaches the heavens.
Like this tree, America does it big. On a side note, have you ever seen a husky dog try to climb a tree? I didn’t think so. Ain’t going to happen.
- Joe Morgan
Washington (+7) is going to star-spangled hammer Stanford because...
Washington is famous for its apples. And you know what you make with apples? Apple pie. It doesn’t get more American than that.
Also, senior Huskies quarterback Keith Price is like the homecoming-king quarterback who beat you up when you were in high school. The big shot quarterback is an American staple! Also, the state is named after America’s daddy, so you lose.
-Adam Lichtenstein
Now on to the picks!
In first with a record of 25-12-3 is alligatorSports Editor Phillip “Wait, lungs aren’t replaceable?” Heilman, who impulsively decided to take up smoking during last week’s trip to Lexington. Riding in a car with Adam Pincus for hours on end really took one hell of a toll on you, huh?
Next up with a record of 24-13-3 is alligatorSports football writer Joe “I’m a real journalist” Morgan, who was left at home during our trip to Kentucky. To be honest, we didn’t really miss him all that much. He’s much more pleasant when he’s drunk on his couch than when he’s breathing our air anyway.
In third with a record of 23-14-3 is Cody “Pick 6” Jones, who stirred up his inner Tony Romo by failing to make two of his eight picks this week. If you’re not going to try, then why the hell bother? Also, go Dodgers!
In fourth with a record of 22-15-3 is alligatorSports football writer Adam “Roadtrip nightmare” Pincus, who sweat profusely throughout the trip to Kentucky, had only one song on his iPod and even stepped on a poor, innocent butterfly while stumbling out of the car at a gas station. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Tied for fourth is alligatorSports Assistant Editor Adam “L-I-C-uhh ...” Lichtenstein, who spelled his own name wrong while corresponding for the Tampa Bay Times last weekend. You get mad at us for calling you “Steve,” but you can’t even get your last name right? C’mon, man.
Sitting in fifth with a record of 21-16-3 is 247sports.com’s Thomas “I spent how much?” Goldkamp, who made Blue Moon his drink of choice during a recent hangout. I though only women ordered drinks with fruit in the glass.
Stunningly not in last this week with a record of 19-18-3 is InsidetheGators.com’s Bryan “Whip it out” Holt, who admitted to urinating on a colleague’s couch sometime in the recent past. Make sure to regularly take the little guy out if he comes over to your house to watch a Rays game. Or just lay down a few copies of this paper. Whatever works.
And in dead-ass last with a piss-poor record of 18-19-3 is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “AirTrans-vestite” Thompson, who recently recounted the “strange vibes” he and a former colleague on the Miami Dolphins beat experienced on a flight headed to an NFL game during “Destiny Week” in New Orleans. Good Lord.
Follow alligatorSports on Twitter @alligatorSports.
Washington quarterback Keith Price passes in the rain during the first half of UW's 31-13 win against Arizona on Saturday in Seattle.
