The alligatorSports crew embarks on its first road trip of the 2013 season this weekend, heading down the Florida Turnpike to Miami — the general home area of a few of our staff members. While down there, we plan to check out the farm that grows Adam Pincuses. We heard rumors of a radiation leak in the area during early 1992, so we’ll keep you posted. Either way, we expect a pretty exciting trek down to the Magic City. Last year’s inaugural road destination — College Station, Texas, — gave us the collegiate debut of Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel as well as a pretty terrifying I-10 standoff with a pissed-off cattle-truck driver. If you’re traveling down along with us, stay cool, be safe and hit up your South Florida friends for a Sun Pass. This week, we have Joe Morgan and Phil Heilman debating the Georgia-South Carolina game.
Georgia (-3) is glad to be home and will send South Carolina packing because...
That offense is just too damn good. The Bulldogs may have fallen in a tough contest against Clemson, but they found the end zone five times and racked 545 yards of total offense. I love Jadeveon Clowney with a Chance of Meatballs, but I don’t see that defense slowing Georgia down enough to win.
- Joe Morgan
South Carolina (+3) will enjoy a nice vacation at Sanford Stadium because...
Clowney was Clark Kent against North Carolina last weekend, but he just walked into a phone booth — watch out. And although Georgia performed well offensively against Clemson, the Tigers have nobody on their defense that even comes close to the talent the Gamecocks can boast. Because of that, Aaron Murray will have a homecoming hangover as the Bulldogs start the season 0-2.
- Phil Heilman
Now onto the picks!
Leading the pack after a perfect 8-0 record in Week 1 is alligatorSports Staff Writer Adam “Oedipus Complex” Pincus, who informed us this week that his mother’s stage name is apparently “Sapphire.” We have no idea what to do with this information.
One game behind Pincus in second place at 7-1 is alligatorSports editor Phil “We have a kitchen?” Heilman, who learned this week how to operate an oven. In this case, “learned” is loosely defined as “watching someone else preheat the oven and set the timer.” Be an adult, man.
In third with a 6-2 record is FightinGators.com’s Cody “Andrelton Simmons Superfan” Jones, who finally decided to keep his man love for the Braves shortstop to himself this week instead of plastering his feelings all over Twitter. Oh, who are we kidding. Simba is awesome. Keep tweeting, Cody!
Tied with Cody at 6-2 is alligatorSports Staff Writer Joe “Final answer” Morgan, who took to Twitter to voice his displeasure in the answer given by a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” Damn, Joe, put on your big-boy pants and leave the house during the day.
Heading the bottom half of the standings with a 5-3 record is 247Sports.com’s Thomas “I want every finna’” Goldkamp, who demanded his fellow beat writers transcribe player and coach quotes verbatim down to every “uh,” “um” and stutter. Relax, buddy. Not everybody keeps a chart of Brent Pease’s syllables per sentence.
Coming in even at .500 with a 4-4 clip is alligatorSports assistant editor Adam “Nothing to shake a sock at” Lichtenstein, who proved that there is such a thing as too many words out of one person’s mouth. If you’re going to use a bland cliché, at least say it right, damn it!
Tied with Lichtenstein at 4-4 is the Orlando Sentinel’s ragdE nospmohT, who walked into Tuesday’s Brent Pease press conference wearing his sweater backward. Hey Edgar, the tag isn’t a protective shield for your Adam’s apple. Look in a mirror before leaving the house next week.
And in dead-ass last with a piss-poor record of 3-5 is InsideTheGators.com’s Bryan “Lawrence” Holt, who gets a pass from insult this week because last week’s Picks Column nearly brought him to tears. Hey Holt, take what’s left of that thing you call a backbone and use it to steady your upper lip.
UGA quarterback Aaron Murray and Georgia will host South Carolina on Saturday at 4:30 p.m.
