We here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column know how to choose our words wisely.
Well, at least we like to think that we do.
OK, take it easy. You’re reading this, aren’t you? Hey, at least we don’t cause a train wreck whenever we open our mouths like the one and only Kanye West. Is that guy just high all the time? What is his deal?
We don’t know much outside of football — hell, we don’t know much about football at all — but we’re sure of one thing: Either Kanye is a genius far, far ahead of his time — we’re talking like 3,000 years — or the guy is just absolutely off his rocker.
The whole thing is just sort of bonkers.
And who hates Jimmy Kimmel? When it comes to late-night talk show hosts, we thought everybody hated Jay Leno.
Well, no disrespect to Ben Affleck, but we’re going to move on here. We’re headed to Kentucky!
This week, we have Phil Heilman and Adam Lichtenstein debating the LSU-Georgia game. Sarah Silverman is 1,000 times funnier than both of them.
Georgia (-3) will come out smelling like roses against LSU because...
I never was much of a fan of Georgia until I picked former Bulldog quarterback Matthew Stafford for my fantasy football team this year. He’s been awesome. Turns out his prodigy, Aaron Murray, isn’t so bad himself. Murray will be solid and Todd Gurley will run free like a young colt, helping the ‘Dawgs win this rodeo.
-Phillip Heilman
LSU (+3) will be drinking mint juleps after it beats Georgia because...
Zach Mettenberger has finally put it all together. With 10 touchdowns and only one pick, Mettenberger has led LSU to the No. 16 scoring offense in the country. The Tigers average more than 43 points per game. And did you watch the Bulldogs last week? They almost lost to North Texas. It might be a photo finish, but LSU will be celebrating like Kentucky Derby champions.
-Adam Lichtenstein
Now onto the picks!
Leading the pack with a 21-10-1 record is alligatorSports Staff Writer Joe “Roaring ‘20s” Morgan, who spouted out “The West Wing” quote, “Never trust a man who doesn’t shine his own shoes.” Great advice, Joe. We’ll be sure to heed it when we walk to the local nickelodeon to get a look at the talkies. Sorry, Joe, you will never be as cool as Alan Alda.
Sitting in second at 20-11-1 is alligatorSports Editor Phillip “Super Size Me” Heilman, who hit a pathetic low earlier this week by consuming four McDonald’s McDoubles in a single day. Good Lord, Phil. At least swallow before taking another bite. Just because you ask for only ketchup and mustard doesn’t make it any less fattening.
Tied for second is FightinGators.com’s Cody “Can’t Touch This” Jones, who bragged about finishing his interview transcription before anyone else during a media availability session this week. Congrats, buddy. You really know what’s important in life. Hopefully you don’t finish that quickly in every aspect of your life.
In third with a record of 19-12-1 is alligatorSports Assistant Editor Adam “HE’S AN ATHLETE, OK?“ Lichtenstein, who was really distraught when ESPN’s Jim Caple called Mariano Rivera the most overrated player of his generation. Chin up, buddy. Starting next week, you’ll have all offseason to send Caple angry tweets about it. Until then, enjoy Rivera playing in the outfield. He’ll fit right in with the Yankees’ “Is anybody still watching” outfield full of 40-year-old has-beens.
Also at 19-12-1 is 247sports.com’s Thomas “JENGA!” Goldkamp, who advocated that the Gators simply add layers to the O’Connell Center parking garage and build an indoor football practice facility on the site of the O’Dome parking lot. Hey, at least he wasn’t the guy on Twitter who suggested UF tear down Library West. LOL.
At 18-13-1 is alligatorSports Staff Writer Adam “Fashionista” Pincus, who spent somewhere between five minutes and an hour deciding which tie to wear to the Tennessee-Florida game. Good thing we have a long car ride ahead of us, because Adam probably won’t have his tie selected until we hit Chattanooga. Don’t worry. We won’t make you drive.
Next at 15-16-1 is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “Paging Wayne Wanta“ Thompson, who expressed his desire to teach a college class one day. God help anyone who has to take a class with this guy. Most people can’t stand listening to him talk for more than five minutes, let alone a full period of 50. Yeah, man. We get it. You’re related to Washington Irving or something. Big deal.
And in dead-ass last with a piss-poor record of 14-17-1 is InsideTheGators.com’s Bryan “DO YOUR JOB!“ Holt, who was reprimanded by Gatorzone.com’s Chris Harry, when he poked fun at Harry by tweeting a video of Will Muschamp imploring his defense to play better by pummeling a dry erase board with his forearm during his days with Texas. Harry snapped right back, leaving Holt helpless to do little more than pick up the pieces. Don’t mess with Chris Harry, kids. And learn some respect, young man.
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LSU quarterback Zach Mettenberger passes during LSU's 35-21 win against Auburn in Baton Rouge, La., on Sept. 21.
