For my last column, I wasn’t sure what to write about.
I knew I wanted to thank the people who tuned in on Tuesdays to read my column, so thank you for that.
But something that happened this week changed the intent of this column from a schmaltzy ‘everyone have a great summer’ piece into one last piss-and-vinegar rant.
Here’s what happened: I was working with a team of people and, after we had completed our task, a manager from the college blasted into the room looking upset, interrupted our meeting, and angrily began to point out mistakes we had made.
Which is one thing.
But the thing that rankled me was in the beginning of every few sentences, he would start with the words, “Now, I’m not upset but …”
As in, “I’m not upset, but I am very pissed off.” Or, “I’m not upset. I am just disappointed in all of you.” Halfway through, it made me start wondering what in the world he was interpreting the words “not upset” to mean, because in every other definition, he was hitting the mark.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, don’t try to tell me it’s not a duck.
Why couldn’t he just admit to being upset?
Nowadays, emotions are seen as a weakness in business. To be a leader, you must always be calm and collected, rational in punishment and conservative in praise. And to be hurt, embarrassed or angry is “not a strong moment” or an overreaction, and only a thick skin and an “it’s not personal, it’s just business” attitude will take you to the top.
Find me a man or woman who can separate themselves that far from their emotions in their line of work, and I will present you with the world’s last unicorn.
So clearly those are impossible standards, but it doesn’t stop people from trying to follow them. Emotions aren’t things you can lock down, and they just come back in various passive-aggressive mannerisms. Often, this makes a reaction that could be reasonable and expected seem totally ridiculous.
I have named it the “I’m Not Mad, You’re Just Stupid” argument.
If I wrote about sexism, discrimination and social controversies every week and then said, “I never get angry about this stuff. I just want to show the world how low-brow and ridiculous it’s being,” how much of a total jerk would I sound like? To act like you are not personally invested in your own reactions and words is a complete crock of bull, so at the very least, people should admit to them.
Embarrassment might be the most potent starter of the “I’m Not Mad, You’re Just Stupid” argument because no one likes admitting they are embarrassed.
If you are in an argument with someone and getting an unreasonable amount of heat thrown your way, mentally check to see if something happened to cause the other person embarrassment.
For my one last stand on the soap box, remember that emotions and rationality are not mutually exclusive occurrences, and the preference for one over the other doesn’t make a good leader.
Good leaders use emotions to fuel their drive and use logic to pick out the battles worth fighting.
And if you get upset, a lot of the time it’s better to say it, so at least people know where you are coming from.
Tina Fey has a hilarious quote: “Some people say ‘Never let them see you cry.’ I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”
Good luck to all the seniors going out into the workplace.
To everyone else, see you in Fall.
Lauren Flannery is a business administration sophomore at UF. Her column runs on Tuesdays. You can contact her via opinions@alligator.org.
