Given the two options, choose one.
Option one is your cute, common, everyday guy. His features are soft, and he’s always smiling. He helps you pick up the books you dropped. He’s friendly and kind. He asks if you’d like to go out to eat — somewhere other than the food court.
He’ll most likely ask how you are every day because he’s genuinely interested. Stick him in the friend zone; he’ll be safe there.
Option two provides stereotypical traits of what a man should be. He’s the typical attractive bad boy. He may not be conventionally attractive, but his charm is something you can’t resist. His eyes are distant, and his smirk is constant. He’ll most likely ignore you for a few days, but you think you’re different. You’re going to make him fall in love, right?
Given these two options, maybe you would obviously choose option one.
However, fall into your subconscious, and you find yourself wanting option two. You clearly know who is the “better” choice, but what you want goes against good reasoning, and you decide what you want is something more manly.
Our ideal masculine traits are embedded into society and our modern mind. A man should be strong and distant. They don’t give much of anything but just enough to not leave you discouraged.
It is not to say we should generalize. Maybe these men do want to be more tender than tough, but it’s not like we would let them. As a community, we are taught to acknowledge a masculine man as the type of man we are intended to want.
These men are portrayed throughout different forms of media. This idea is a subconscious need in the back of our minds.
You find women — and sometimes men — of all ages chase after these types of guys. They are in pursuit of someone who doesn’t want them. And it’s not to say universally men don’t want these women —because they do — but the men who want them aren’t necessarily first choice.
Why? Are girls plain mean? Are women too picky?
Maybe. Or maybe it’s because as a controlled community, we put so much pressure on girls to be perfect, we make them feel unworthy and undeserving, especially to the kindness a good relationship can offer.
From infancy to adulthood, women are conditioned to be one thing: perfect. They see it in the media, among their peers, even within the household. Women are under constant scrutiny. Their hair needs to be perfect, their bodies fit, their faces flawless.
Women are taught how to act like ladies. They are given the specific requirements and restrictions that need to be followed in order to live a successful life.
In a male-dominated world, women face the need to please. This transfers deep into personal life.
The root of these standards could have possibly risen from society’s need to establish gender-specific roles. Men are supposed to act one way and women another.
It’s a mindset that would take generations to change, if they can even change. Perhaps, as a community, we are satisfied with the way things are now, but when given the choice, who would you choose?
Ashley Miller-Shaked is a UF student.
