The cause behind the blackout during Sunday’s Super Bowl is still unknown. This is hilarious because it’s 2013, and we were under the impression that we could solve the mysteries behind basic power outages in the same night.
“We were asking everybody at every position what was happening, and the fact of the matter is we just didn’t know,” Sean McManus, the chairman of CBS Sports, told the Los Angeles Times, according to the New Yorker.
If you plugged something back in or tweaked a spark plug (how does electricity work?), then you probably understand what went wrong in the first place. Instead, like Lake Malice’s comic this week, let’s speculate about all of the fun, possible true causes:
1. Beyoncé?
No, her awesome performance didn’t cause a complete internal collapse of a power infrastructure, but it might as well have.Too much girl power on stage could totally cause a power outage, right?
2. Gun control laws?
Has Obama started to take away our guns AND our electricity?! Here we thought he’s been innocently trying to save as many lives in the future as he can by entirely restricting our rights and freedoms as Americans, obviously. Instead, he’s probably been planning other ways to ruin our mundane lives. That leaky bathroom faucet? OBAMA!
3. Cold weather?
Listen, we’re all bitter about the weather turning against us. Sadly, that’s how winter works. As Floridians, we will defend our right to wear shorts at any time of year until we die (of frostbite). Because the game was in good ol’ New Orleans, maybe the electricity system also rebelled against the cooler temperature. Who knows how a cold snap made a grid of wires feel? Probably like quitting for 34 minutes.
4. Chris Brown?
Odds are he could’ve had something to do with it.
5. Elaborate Destiny’s Child revenge plot?
Yeah, so what if Destiny’s Child sort of reunited and then performed together on the halftime stage? Maybe the other girls (or just Michelle Williams) are jealous of Beyoncé’s awesome life and took it out on her by shutting down the game for a few minutes. We know it didn’t directly affect Beyoncé at all, but we like the idea because it sounds like a heist movie.
6. Apple Maps?
Remember how terribly inaccurate that app is — always showing people the wrong stuff? Well, if the spark grid (really, how does electricity work?) ran on similarly faulty Apple technology, it was probably more likely to malfunction than if it was running on a few other operating systems.
7. Puppy Bowl jealousy
Face it: The Puppy Bowl is the best part of any Super Bowl. Accept it. Because more people should know about it, perhaps the puppy players orchestrated an adorable scheme for more attention.
Which option seems most likely to you?
