The big day came and went: Valentine’s Day.
It’s a time of celebrating companionship or loneliness, depending on your situation. It’s a day of broken expectations and extravagant surprises, depending on your luck.
The geeky shy girl prayed that the guy next door would ring her doorbell with flowers and chocolates — he didn’t.
The spoiled girlfriend posted a picture of the $100 items her boyfriend gave her — she made us jealous.
The girl dating the “bad boy” waited to see her man in a suit and tie at a fancy restaurant — he didn’t even show up.
Every year, for every girl, Feb. 14 is marked on our calendars as test day. We give guys no choice. My barely single guy friends from around campus had the most dreadful experiences last week.
Here are some perspectives from my guy friends from different majors around campus:
Economics: “The money wasted on Valentine’s Day can solve the debt crisis. I’m always single, but I look for a date a few months ahead. Not too early. The price of the present she expects grows exponentially. Not too late. She’ll have made plans supporting her single and weeping friends.
But, as always, I ended up with my nerdy engineering friends. We bought beer and played Xbox all night. Bromance counts, too, right?”
Chemistry: “I’m busy trying to get into med school; if not, dentistry. Then, pharmacy and law school as a last resort. I have no time for a girlfriend.
My engaged friend created an account for me on www.OkCupid.com, but the girls there are after my prestigious degree and future. Maybe I’m bitter because he starts saving months in advance for his high school sweetheart. He’s too busy and poor to afford the necessities: football games and drinks at Balls.
The only thing he talks about is what expensive presents he should buy her and what the look on her face will be. He lives for the words, ‘I love you. You’re a keeper.’ After six years of dating, he is still afraid of losing her. Better to be single than that insecure, right?”
French and music: “Chicks dig musicians and French men. I’m not really French, but my great-great-grandpa was German. That counts.
I’m classy, and I didn’t take her to the typical romantic dinner. Actually, I tried to make a reservation too late. We went on a picnic, and I played her a French song with my guitar. It was barely French. She loved it anyway.
Then, I surprised her with a bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, a red wine I can’t really pronounce. The taste was unbearable, but she pretended to like it, and together we got drunk. I puked and got stopped by the cops for driving under the influence. Hmmm…worth it?”
Journalism guy: “I’m not a conformist, and I totally didn’t enter the holiday aisle at Walgreens. But I did try to get laid by a girl in my newspaper editing class. I’ve known her since she cried in reporting.
There’s too much fuss about Valentine’s Day, but this was my chance. I make such a big deal of everything, from grammar to girls. I decided to just ask her out next month. I’m more cool and casual than a follower anyways. Wait, I’m never getting married. What’s the point?”
Mechanical engineering: “There are only three girls in my thermodynamics class. The odds are in my favor that she’d be mine. I’ve let her cheat off me on every exam since sophomore year. She loves my intelligence, and she owes me anyway. Or so I thought.
I borrowed my roommate’s BMW and showed up at her dorm room. I obnoxiously overdressed, gave a canned speech and handed her roses. She started laughing.
I looked behind her and saw a shirtless guy. They’re probably just friends, right?”
Raksheen Ayaz is an advertising and business junior at UF. Her column runs on Thursdays. You can contact her via opinions@alligator.org.
