Take a whiff. Is that something in the air? It has a distinct smell, that’s for sure, but we can’t quite exactly put our finger on it ... Oh, right, how silly of us! Fest is here. That’s why the air feels so foreboding and dirty.
That brings us to the welcome-to-our-town-please-leave-it-cleaner-than-when-you-got-here edition of ...
Darts & Laurels
We want to start out by truly thanking anyone involved in helping solve the feral cat “paw”-blem on campus. There’s no need for our furry friends to be punished just because they don’t have a home. Hopefully officials can continue to work toward a humane solution. We give a all-right-that’s-the-last-cat-pun-we’ll-make-for-meow-just-kitten LAUREL to Operation Catnip.
It would be nice if we could give a “Laurel” to Ann Romney, who made a brief visit to Gainesville on Thursday afternoon, but hardly anyone was allowed to get near her at David’s Real Pit BBQ. If you’re going to say you’re making a visit, we’re not sure why you wouldn’t actually visit. Therefore we give a you-wore-a-nice-sweater-miss-please-don’t-let-your-husband-take-away-basic-human-rights DART to Ann Romney.
Remember how Donald Trump said his announcement, set to be released this past Wednesday, was going to be super awesome and life changing? It wasn’t. He challenged President Obama to release his college record and his passport — if he complied, Trump would donate $5 million to a charity of Obama’s choice. To challenge that, Stephen Colbert dared to donate $1 million to charity if Trump, well, would let Colbert place certain organs in Trump’s mouth. We give a one-of-you-is-still-classier-than-the-other-and-the-winner-is-Colbert LAUREL to Stephen Colbert. We don’t negotiate with terrorists, Mr. Trump.
BuzzFeed, a super fun site that teaches us what’s cool on the Internet, came out with a quiz this week that kind of lowers your self-esteem no matter if you do really well or really poorly: “How Well Do You Know Crappy Pizza?” We give a stop-trying-to-pizza-shame-us-but-also-this-quiz-was-fun FLART to BuzzFeed. Either way, you should still check them out for fun news. This is not a paid advertisement for BuzzFeed, calm down.
Apple announced a ton of new gadgets this week, including the new iPad Mini. We don’t know why they feel like they have to constantly come out with new things, but apparently its business model works. The company sold 26.9 million iPhones in the last fiscal quarter alone. We give a we-will-probably-still-buy-most-everything-you-tell-us-to-buy LAUREL to Apple. Just accept it and give in to consumerism, folks.
Britney Spears is in the news again, and it’s not for great reasons. Our favorite Queen of Pop Forever and Ever is on trial for libel and breach of contract of Sam Lufti, her former manager. More importantly, he let it slip during his testimony that a Broadway musical or motion picture depicting Courtney Love’s life with Kurt Cobain is probably in the works. We give a stop-hurting-everything-we-hold-dear DART to Sam Lufti.
Sometimes hotel employees can be weird or heartless or something, but not for one girl in Orlando. Maybe they knew her parents worked for a local TV news station, but they went the extra mile to return her lost Elmo doll. The staff at an Amelia Island hotel made an entire booklet of an adventure Elmo “went” on while he was lost. We give a now-our-hearts-feel-light-and-happy LAUREL to that hotel’s staff.
Have a very safe weekend everyone, and go Gators!
