It’s midterm season, in case you weren’t aware. Beware the ides of October, for with them come great responsibility — or something. Some of you find stress relief by doing yoga; some of you find it by releasing your impotent rage on our website’s comment section, and that’s cool, too. We see you, guys. Feel acknowledged. You’re welcome.
This brings us to the school-is-turning-us-into-study-monsters-and-we-hate-it edition of ...
Darts & Laurels
On Thursday, Newsweek announced that it would become online-only next year after about 80 years of printing. The weekly publication has helped illustrate huge news events, but it is slowly becoming replaced by the Internet. We give a was-Newsweek-even-that-great-anymore-anyway MEMORIAL LAUREL to Newsweek. Live long and prosper, friends. And please give us jobs when we graduate.
The Los Angeles Times started to publish the perversion files it collected from the Boy Scouts of America, a collection of documents that detail reports of abuse done to scouts by people in power in the organization. Imagine how many victims could have been helped had these files or acts been discussed sooner. We give a from-now-on-don’t-be-so-careless-and-cruel-to-your-members DART to the Boy Scouts of America.
In some hopeful news, the iPad Mini will most likely cost between $250 and $300. This is silly because an iPod Touch already costs $299. It’s not like we need more technology, but a cheap iPad Mini could replace somebody’s crappy laptop. We give a don’t-give-into-the-greed-please-keep-the-cost-low LAUREL to Apple. Also, we hope everyone got a chance to watch the “Tech Talk” sketch from “Saturday Night Live” last week as it was both hilarious and truthful.
We know it’s been talked and mocked to death this week, but we’re still not over Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women” remark. Not only was it more than slightly sexist, it also proved that he is willing to steal credit if he thinks he has to. We give a keep-duderuses-out-of-our-uteruses DART to Mitt Romney. In the immortal words of Jon Stewart this week: “But hey, Binder of Women, Book of Broads, Notebook of Nipples, whatever.”
Do you listen to your boss when he or she tells you to do something? This week, Bruce Springsteen campaigned for President Obama and that’s pretty awesome. Bill Clinton was his warm-up act, believe it or not, and said he was “qualified, because I was born in the USA — and unlike one of the candidates for president, I keep all my money here.” We give a do-you-need-some-ice-for-that-burn LAUREL to Brill Clintsteen.
Here’s a controversial comment: Screw the Yankees. (We’re mostly saying this because it’s fun to root for the underdog, but we also truly wish a speedy recovering to Derek Jeter.) We hope A-Rod has to sit out for 11 more games so he can’t flirt with anymore girls in the stands. And don’t call us bitter or jealous, because no. We give a come-up-with-your-own-ball-joke DART to A-Rod.
Vladimir Putin has decided to work from home more and, quite frankly, we respect him for it. It doesn’t matter what reasons he claims, like the environment, we just wish we could do the same. We give a can-you-believe-we’re-laureling-Putin LAUREL to Vladimir Putin.
Have a fun and safe weekend, and we’ll see you back next week! Go Gators!
