We here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column are on our way to mess with Texas.
From what we hear, everything is bigger in the Lone Star State. We’re looking forward to the 10-gallon hats, towering cacti and SO MUCH MORE ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES!
Florida welcomes Texas A&M to the Southeastern Conference this weekend, and it’s coming up big. ESPN is setting up College Gameday in College Station, Texas, and Lee Corso will end the broadcast wearing a big head of some sort. Once the game is over, we’ll strap on some spurs, enjoy some whiskey, swap manly stories and then perhaps a bit of Eastwooding with an invisible Will Muschamp on that empty bar stool. That will make our day. Boom.
Down there yonder by the old corral, Josh Jurnovoy and Adam Pincus have their guns at the ready as they debate the Georgia-Missouri matchup in Columbia, Mo. Draw!
Georgia (-2.5) will show Missouri that the SEC ain’t big enough for all 14 of ‘em because…
The Bulldogs have Aaron Murray. The junior quarterback, who is now in his 17th year at the helm, is too seasoned to shrink from the spotlight in Memorial Stadium.
While the Bulldogs are going to have to rely on their young running backs most of this season, that is something they won’t have to worry about on Saturday as Murray and No. 1 receiver Tavarres King will look like they are tossing in warm-ups against a Tigers pass defense that was ranked 94th in the country in 2011.
Adam believes his Tigers will somehow cover, but that’s even more foolish than picking the Gators to win nine games, which he also did.
Oh, and if Tigers’ quarterback James Franklin thought he could handle SEC speed, wait until he meets Jarvis Jones.
- Josh Jurnovoy
Missouri (+2.5) will show the ‘Dawgs there’s a new sheriff in town because…
The Tigers can flat out score and defend. While Georgia allowed 199 rushing yards to Buffalo last week in a 45-23 win, Missouri held Southeastern Louisiana to 58 in an ole’ fashioned 62-10 first-week butt whoopin’.
Not to mention, the Missouri fans at Memorial Stadium will be rocking in the school’s first ever SEC game. Is Georgia ready for that?
James Franklin, the Tigers’ quarterback and the better James Franklin in the SEC, will torch Georgia with his arm and legs. Franklin ran for 981 yards last season. A struggling rush defense and this quarterback don’t mix.
-Adam Pincus
Leading the way after the first week with a 7-1 record is our very own Josh “Whataburger is quality fast food” Jurnovoy, who botched any momentum he gained from his first-place finish last week by insisting that we stop at a Whataburger on the way to Texas. What the hell?
Entrenched in a six-way tie for second place with a 4-4 record is Rivals’ Bryan “Pent-up frustration” Holt, who hasn’t been quite as... active, let’s say, since moving from midtown. He can be heard at all hours furiously typing — that’s what the kids are calling it these days — on his poor HP laptop, which is now questionable for Saturday’s game. It’s not the computer’s fault, Bryan.
Also sporting a 4-4 record is The Associated Press’ Mark “NEED MORE FOLLOWERS” Long, who is so desperate to add to his 4,138 followers on Twitter that he tried to get Jeff Driskel to recruit his parents. Sorry, Mark, but the Driskels aren’t interested in you dropping “LOL”s, smileys and useless Jaguars info on their feed.
Fighting over silver with a 4-4 clip is alligatorSports editor Greg “Man-crushing on Mark Reynolds” Luca, who has been enthralled with the Orioles’ improbable run in the AL East race. The boy may leave the O’s, but apparently, the O’s never leave the boy. With all due respect to Cal Ripken Jr., nobody has cared this much about Baltimore baseball since, well, ever. Suck it, Yankees!
Next is assistant alligatorSports editor Joe “Not my stuffed animals!” Morgan, who frantically called a coworker late Saturday night after leaving a stuffed Pumbaa in The Swamp’s press box. I guess we all could’ve used a snuggle buddy to ease the pain of watching Saturday’s dreadful performance, but jeez, man, be a professional! If you want to cuddle up with your pillow buddies and stick a thumb in your mouth on your own time, that’s fine. Just keep it out of the workplace.
Then, there’s Adam “I’ve never seen a map” Pincus, who was concerned about the 3-hour time difference between Florida in the Eastern Time Zone and Texas in the Central Time Zone. Psst, it’s only a 1-hour change. This guy is one of the drivers for our trip today. Oh, God. What have we done?
Rounding out the second-placers is the Miami Herald’s Matt “Durka is my homegirl” Watts, who can be found most Friday nights cuddled up with his overweight, slutty cat — that’s Durka — and a laptop, clacking out angry thoughts about outdated sports cars on message boards. Get to bed, Watts; 3 p.m. comes earlier than you think, and you missed the “Fast and the Furious” casting call by 12 years.
And in dead-ass last place, with a piss-poor record of 3-5 is the Palm Beach Post’s Jason “The ladies like ‘em pale” Lieser, who brings an umbrella with him everywhere he goes not only to brace for unexpected rainstorms, but to block the sun and thus keep his complexion a ghostly white. I guess when you’re scrawny and 5-foot-5, it’s important to preserve the total package by making sure you don’t get a tan. Anything to keep the ole’ ball and chain happy, I suppose.
