We were bombarded this week by two things: rain and voter registration volunteers. One was an annoying pest and the other could actually be relevant to your life as a citizen of this country. Between rain boots, football wins and looming exams, it’s definitely Fall at UF. Don’t forget to study like you should vote: early and often.
This brings us to the birds-of-a-feather-should-avoid-this-weather edition of:
Darts & Laurels
Are you really proud of your facial hair, you beard aficionados? Then be careful if you travel to Ohio and find yourself in Amish Country. Members of that society have taken punishment into their own hands. Sixteen men and women are convicted of hate crimes “for a series of hair- and beard-cutting attacks on fellow sect members.” We give a that-probably-hurt-since-they-don’t-use-electricity DART to those not-so-peaceful Amish.
We were so happy to hear this week that Chick-fil-A will stop donating to anti-gay/anti-marriage equality groups. (Mostly because that means we can eat there again; life isn’t worth living if there’s no waffle fries in it.) But now we’re hearing that the company is still donating to fundraisers like “Ride for the Family,” a bike ride supported by both the WinShape Foundation and the Marriage and Family Foundation. We give a quit-playing-games-with-our-hearts LART (a combination of a dart and a laurel) to Chick-fil-A. Make up your mind already, jeez.
Meet Valerie Spruill. She was raised by her grandparents in Akron, Ohio. She married a man named Percy, and she learned something interesting about him six years after his death. Spruill learned that Percy was her biological father. Even though she heard rumors that he might be her dad, she waited until after he died to run a DNA test. We give a this-only-happens-in-Ohio-we-hope DART to Valerie Spruill. She also has three children and eight grandchildren, in case you needed more nightmare fuel.
New meme alert! Do you think Mitt Romney loves this country a lot? Then we’ve got a Tumblr for you. Visit romcom2012.tumblr.com — there you’ll find popular romantic comedy movie posters with Romney’s face transposed into them. It’s just a man who loves his country; nothing weird with that. We give an at-least-it’s-not-Little-Face-Mitt LAUREL to RomCom2012.
Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes were in a minor Twitter feud this week. Lohan said, “Why did I get put in jail, and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?” But then, she was arrested for a hit-and-run incident. Bynes is now, apparently, telling friends that Lohan deserved to be arrested because of karma. Quite frankly, if she tweeted something with the word “car-ma,” we might have more respect for her. As it is, neither of these two women should be allowed in public. We give a remember-when-you-used-to-make-good-movies-yeah-neither-do-we DART to Amandsay Lohynes.
Now for your yogurt news of the day: Turns out that long-term eaters of yogurt also saw a reduced systolic blood pressure and less risk of high blood pressure. Results of the study showed that “31 percent of volunteers were less likely to develop high blood pressure when at least 2 percent of their daily caloric intake was yogurt, equivalent to at least one six-ounce cup of low-fat yogurt every three days.” We give a good-because-we’ve-only-been-eating-it-for-the-fiber LAUREL to yogurt.
Stay cool at the game tomorrow, and have a safe weekend!
