You just graduated from high school, where people knew and loved you.
Welcome to college, where no one even likes you.
I mean, at first.
People will like you eventually.
It can be scary, I know, to begin classes at any new school — especially at a school that is practically its own city. There are a ton of amazing restaurants to try, exciting places to explore and a lot of culture to absorb.
You’ll find a good new group of people to hang out with; it can be tough finding the right crowd, but everybody can find where they belong.
Rest easy, though, because here are all the tips you need to fit in with your social group of choice.
If you’re a guy…
Always stand too close to whoever is in front of you at Starbucks. Don’t feel pressured to shower or wear deodorant every day. Never take off your puka shell necklace if you want to seem chill or down-to-earth. Pop your shirt’s collar. If it feels like you put on too much cologne, then you still need one more spritz. Brag about your workout routine around a group of girls to show how manly you are. You literally cannot own too many pairs of cargo shorts.
If you’re a girl…
Wear your highest heels to walk anywhere on a weekend because your friends will want to hear you complain about it. No food or drinks are allowed in classrooms, but a bag of SunChips is fine to open during a busy lecture. Don’t hold the door open for someone walking into the gym behind you — they need to start their own workout as soon as possible. Leggings are totally pants. It’s okay if your coffee order is more than six words.
If you’re an athlete…
Sweaty gym wear is super acceptable to wear to class. Riding your scooter as fast as it’ll go while nearly running over pedestrians is the proper way to transport yourself. Wear a name tag in the Hub so everyone will recognize you instead of just guessing with their friend if that’s actually you. Make a “Call Me, Maybe” parody video once you make it onto a team.
If you’re fraternity/sorority member…
The bigger the arm holes are on your tank top, the cooler you are. Instagram everything. Too much neon clothing is still not enough neon clothing. Vote for whatever student government party you feel like because you’re allowed. You probably know all of the answers that a professor will ask during class, so feel free to frequently raise your hand. Put your Greek letters on everything you own, even your car.
If you’re a “hipster”…
Proudly wear thick-framed glasses. Instagram everything. The amount of respect you receive is directly proportional to the amount of plaid/flannel you wear. Most of your accessories should probably involve or include funny plastic mustaches (bonus points if you do that and also actually have a mustache). Tell everyone around you that you’re a vegan/vegetarian/raw-food-dieter as often and as loudly as possible.
There are a ton of different other sub-groups on the UF campus than those listed above. Find a group that best suits you or be amazingly independent.
UF is your oyster, and you’re the pearl.
Sami Main is a journalism senior at UF and a columnist for the Alligator. You can contact her at opinions@alligator.org.
