Is anyone else counting down the release of “The Dark Knight Rises”? If you aren’t excited about what will likely be the most epic movie of the year, we hope you enjoy our oh-well-that’s-cool-I-guess-hope-you-enjoy-Adam-Sandler’s-”That’s My Boy” edition of...
In case anyone forgot, there’s a presidential election going on this year, and boy, has it gotten annoying lately. That’s why we’re throwing a do-you-really-have-nothing-better-to-discuss-or-debate DART at politicians and pundits who can’t seem to stop talking about Swiss bank accounts, foreign investments and tax returns as of late. Perhaps, soon, people will start debating real issues.
No? OK, back to the political pandering and other nonsense.
Are you having a bad day? Well, the recipient of our maybe-your-iPhone-dying-on-you-while-you-were-messaging-your-BFF-is-probably-not-the-end-of-the-world LAUREL puts you to shame. Kaleb Langdale, 17, was attacked by an alligator while swimming in Caloosahatchee River in Moore Haven, Fla. When the alligator latched onto his right arm, Langdale jerked free of the alligator and lost the lower half of his arm.
Langdale told ABC news, “I’m just happy that I’m still alive … I could care less about the arm.” You were saying?
If you’re thinking about going to a skating rink in Weston, Fla., you’re out of luck. That’s why we’re throwing a who-knew-that-skating-rinks-were-sin-filled-orgies-of-evil DART at the Weston City Commission for passing an ordinance to ban nightclubs, dance halls and skating rinks from the city.
By the way, where in the hell is Weston?
Although it might have a few of those evil nightclubs, we’re giving a get-your-resumes-ready LAUREL to Gainesville, the highest ranked city in Florida on Forbes magazine’s list of “Best Places for Business and Careers.”
Keep up the good work!
Because this person occasionally pops up in the news, we give a maybe-if-you-didn’t-have-diagrams-about-how-to-build-a-bomb-on-your-website-you-would-be-taken-seriously DART at Camille Marino, an animal rights activist and owner of the Negotiation is Over website.
Marino is trying to gain access to the locations of UF animal research facilities for “peaceful purposes.”
Right...
Finally, we give a super-pandering-please-let-UF-get-picked-for-some-cool-shirts LAUREL to Marvel, which recently announced it will release college apparel featuring some of its most popular superheroes.
Which superhero should be UF’s mascot?
Have a fun and safe weekend, and be sure to check back next week.
