I don’t care about the Home Run Derby.
Prince Fielder won last night’s slugfest at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, Mo., with 28 long balls. I saw none of them.
As much as I love baseball, the Home Run Derby is unwatchable. It is nothing more than a glorified batting practice made all the more annoying with Chris Berman repeatedly barking, “Back, back, back, back, back!”
You may like the Home Run Derby just fine, and I can respect that. Some folks enjoy the sheer display of power. Others liked baseball better with rampant performance-enhancing drug use.
However, if you are not in attendance, your interest fades faster than the longest home runs of the night. If I don’t have the chance to catch a souvenir, watching All-Stars hit batting-practice pitches into the seats holds little appeal.
Despite my issues with the Home Run Derby, I do not believe it is beyond saving. Here are a few changes I would like to see in the mid-summer smashing contest:
Targets/Goals – Most All-Stars can mash batting-practice lobs over the fences. At the end of the day, it’s just not that impressive. Let’s see some precision. Can Prince Fielder go to the opposite field repeatedly? How many times can a 35-year-old Carlos Beltran surpass 400 feet? Assuming home runs are worth one point each, hitting a target would earn batters additional points. Quality over quantity, people.
Pitch limit – The last thing any baseball fan wants to see is Robinson Cano take a bunch of pitches in a row. Take the bat off your shoulder! Each batter gets 10 strikes, and that is it. Use an umpire if necessary.
Live pitching – Ozzie Smith could look like Hank Aaron in the right ballpark if you lobbed him beach balls all day. The derby needs live pitching. Facing a mix of fastballs and breaking balls would truly determine the game’s best slugger. MLB can determine who pitches. Perhaps auditioning free agents could get involved. Knuckleballers would be cool.
Intriguing locations – I know putting on the Home Run Derby is a big deal for the All-Star Game’s hosting city, but fans always see home runs in stadiums. Take a page from the Class-A South Atlantic League’s book and have the derby on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. Other awesome locations: the Grand Canyon, a mountain (Coors Field does not count), the Death Star.
Compensation – Calm down! I know the All-Stars already roll in the dough, but hear me out. These guys play a grueling, 162-game schedule and truly deserve a mid-season break. Getting baseball’s best home-run hitters to compete in an ultimately meaningless Home Run Derby may take a bit of cash. Trust me, they will likely give the money to charity. If not, sports fans love villains. Boo those men!
Love my suggestions or hate them, I do not care. If you are completely satisfied with how the Home Run Derby plays out each year, then I am happy for you. You probably had a great time watching last night’s broadcast.
I believe the format is tired and outdated. My suggested changes may never make it off this page, but something needs to be done to shake up the Home Run Derby.
Otherwise, fans will “back, back, back, back, back” away from their television screens.
Contact Joe Morgan at joemorgan@alligator.org.
