Well, it’s the end of Summer A, which means the Alligator will be on break next week. However, we have a lot to cover this week, so sit tight, relax and prepare for our document-withholding-amnesty-granting-substance-banning-cancer-curing-animal-crashing-studio-bashing edition of...
After a congressional oversight committee requested documents from the Obama administration surrounding the failed gun enforcement operation known as “Fast and Furious,” the administration responded by using executive privilege to withhold these materials. For this, we throw an are-you-telling-me-that-politicians-are-hypocrites DART at President Barack Obama for not only invoking executive privilege, but for doing so after arguing against its use by President George W. Bush in 2007.
However, we will be giving a finally-a-change-in-immigration-policy-that-makes-sense LAUREL to the Obama administration for giving undocumented students brought to the U.S. before the age of 16 the ability to obtain a work permit and protection from deportation for two years.
Regardless of your views on immigration policy, children should not be held responsible for the actions of their parents.
It has been argued, but not proven, that the brutal cannibalistic attack that occurred in Miami in May was caused by so-called “bath salts,” a product used as a synthetic drug. This leads us to our expanding-the-black-market-and-giving-criminals-more-money DART at the Miami-Dade County Commission, which started the process to ban the product.
Good job. No one ever smokes marijuana anymore because it’s illegal, right?
Next, we give an opening-the-door-to-new-discoveries LAUREL to UF researchers, who found that a genetically modified version of the bacterium lactobacillus acidophilus, naturally produced in the human gut and found in certain yogurts and cheese, reduces inflammation or growths that can result in colon cancer in mice. That’s pretty cool, huh?
For causing mischief on Interstate 275 in St. Petersburg, Fla., we throw an I’m-going-down-and-I’m-taking-everyone-else-with-me DART at an alligator that authorities are blaming for two car crashes on the highway. Although the gator survived the first collision, it wasn’t so lucky the second time.
Fortunately, there were no human injuries.
Finally, we throw a yes-there-were-only-two-laurels-this-week-but-we-can’t-NOT-address-this DART at New Line Cinema and Warner Bros., whose lack of enthusiasm for the “Dumb and Dumber” sequel caused Jim Carrey to back out of the project.
This is ridiculous.
Have a fun and safe break, and be sure to check back Summer B.
