Let's talk about sex.
I am a virgin. I am a 25-year-old, well-adjusted black male in relatively decent shape, and I've never once had sex. You know what? It doesn't bother me one bit. I don't consider myself any better or worse than anyone else because of it. I have a girlfriend, and we've never done "the deed." I'll admit that I want to sometimes, but I'm going to wait until my wife and I can have that really awesome, fantastic sex that people pretend to write songs about. Heck, even the Bible talks about good sex, and I want it one day. Still, my sexual abstinence has granted me the distance and perspective to see the currents in the world around me without being swept along in the great flood of sensuality. This is no expert opinion, but it is an honest one.
I find a somewhat alarming trend in our culture toward over-gratification of our every sexual whim and fancy, and I don't think we're the better for it. Look at our marriages, or better yet, our divorce rate. Check out the increasingly early ages at which children are being exposed to explicit pornography. How many people grew up with fathers that spent all their time in the garage, doing "work" on the computer? Is this really what we've wanted all along? Am I forced to chase every piece of tail like a dog in heat just because I've got a penis? How about all you women? Do you have to tell Victoria's secret every time you wear a blouse just because it can be told?
I would submit that the answer is no. Why? Because I am more than my sex organs. Coincidentally, so are you.
My identity is not found in my sexual exploits. I think it's sad that so much of who we are and what we do is motivated and driven by sexual urges. Who said I have to experiment in order to figure out how to do things? I found some STD stats that would suggest that I don't. Hey, freshmen guy that has never been with a girl? It's not a big deal. Hey, girl with the slimy boyfriend? Dump the loser and find someone who appreciates you beyond your lady lumps.
Women, you are way more valuable than your mammary glands. Be hard to get, in the nonmanipulative sense. A man should have to go on a hunt for that precious heart of yours in order to win the prize. Men, you have way more to offer society than the size of your package. I'm willing to bet that she's not waiting to measure the width of your bicep, but the strength of your character and the depth of your compassion. Let's grow up and be men.
Why do I care so much? Our increasing sexualization affects our culture in more ways than just putting pleasure at our finger tips at all times of the day. Women and men are subjecting each other to fantastical, unrealistic and debilitating expectations of body images. Men who would otherwise find themselves "on the market" are now staying on the farm, having all of their sexual needs gratified with the dizzying amount of porn that constitutes the World Wide Web. Sex trafficking has become one of the most disgustingly lucrative markets on the planet because of our fast-food approach to sex.
Am I old-fashioned? Probably. Uncool? Sure. Repressed? Maybe. Mock me all you want, but I wonder what a terribly disfigured culture we would be if we indulged our nutritional appetites as we did our sexual ones. Obesity, which plagues two-thirds of our nation, would be the least of our problems. I'm not saying sex is bad. What I'm saying is that raging hormones don't make us who we are.
What if sex, as great as it is, wasn't meant to be cheapened by giving the goods to every Joe that says he's got a jar for them? As fiery and hot as it is, unmitigated sexual appetites are much like a burning log in a living room. Eventually, the whole house is going to go up in flames. But what if the embers could be put back in the fireplace? Sound too good to be true? I'm not so sure. I've run across a revolutionary idea or two in my day.
I am a 25-year-old virgin, and strangely enough, I'm not trying to get laid anytime soon. Because I am more than my sex organs.
